I feel exhausted all of a sudden. It's all that tiredness trying to explain myself. Truth is, I do not feel I owe anyone any explanations. Fact is, I am explaning. Anal thing is, it's a never-ending struggle.
Pledging myself at this point isn't very motivating. I need something more substantial...like a project that can reap results instantaneously. I'm beginning to feel like I can pop any moment.
Okay, so I was kinda bored, feeling a little off after everyone around me says I'm a vampire...Got to see some streaming videos of contestants for some IBX Band Xplosion competition...
I was really impressed - by how bad the quality of the videos were, the overall audio, and the band performances. I'm not complaining, just venting on how things could have been done right, but people still choose to screw up.
Like me.
Coming back, i like to decorate. It's just me, to the extent Angel gave up on me during the New Year period~ I like to dress things up, it's gotta be visually stunning. Anywayz, so got into putting some pictures up around the sites, will be adding more if anyone bothers.
What's bothering me is really the future. With the whole world in a big mess fight, I really wonder if the next generation will survive. Maybe they will, maybe they won't, it's always better to be on a TV reality show than living in reality.
And reality is that - we try to live otherwise while we are all here. So why can't we all be living as is? Wouldn't that make things a whole lot simpler?
Simply put, faith is something few has these days. With the impending big projects on hold, waiting for itself to happen, I'm kinda stuck in a situation where everyone else's patience has run dry, though mine own still held out. Would definitely love to see myself in 3 years when I hit slightly after first base, then continue living on the fringe.
What's wrong with living on the fringe? You don't worry about money cos you don't have any...you won't go hungry cos you already are...you don't need a cool place cos you've already been left in the cold. And the best part - you don't need to strive to be the best cos everyone thinks you're a failure.
I guess I've held out long enough in my own world, envisioning a place without hate. To know that your next door neighbours look for you for a night out cos they have no company, or your friends finally calling you up cos they need a contact, even your family (distant or not) sweet-talking cos they want you to help with the expenses...this is just quite unbalanced.
My eyes have shown me much. From what good friends can sacrifice, to what acquaintances will stop to do to help when we're in trouble...it's mad.
This reminds me of a little incident which has not quite settled in me after so long: I was on the train late morning on the way home, standing between carriages cos my trip was insanely long, I peered into the right carriage and found nothing of interest. Just people, minding their own business, trying to avoid eye-contact with practically everyone else. Then I looked left - same thing: teens in school uniforms catching a quick nap, old folks with their shopping bags eyes resting, workers of all categories peering out the windows, typing on their phones, magazine-covered faces, cradling babies who are already asleep or too busy with their little shoes, or just simply staring at the floor.
Then I heard a sweet young boy's vocals, singing presumely some elementary school song. I peered over for a glimsp of the boy in the loosely crowded trunk - sweet face, bright eyes, ruffled hair, neat white uniform, nice physique, befitting bag, excellent voice.
He sang, and swung round a standing metal bar. Two teenage girls giggled in the seats in front of him. He just continued to sing.
Then...he raised his voice. It was the chorus of the song. He sang. A couple of other people began to figit, trying to get out of his way as he swung from bar to bar, or just trying to change a trunk. The girls suddenly looked worried. My guess was: everyone thought the boy's mad.
I felt hurt.
Almost went over to pull the boy to where I was standing out of impulse. But I stood still and watched him make a fool of himself in everyone else's eyes. He was in his own world, and I so much wanted to be there.
Then the next stop came, and he ran out buzzing like a jet fighter.
The sun rays came through the windows like hot knife through butter. As the train pulled away from the station, I tried to catch a glimsp of him once more, but only caught his shadow down the stairs.
For whatever reason he acted that way, "abnormally" from our prestigious normal societal behaviours, I can only wonder - what are we all doing to our children?
So many things to do...and being broke isn't helping much. Missed a couple of birthdays to begin with...completely slipped my mind. Meetings after meetings trying to touch base with some very important people that would help make some business in future. How can we ever live in a peace?
Been listening to Lady for the last 3 days, consistently remixing to find the best approach for the song. The album's something we wanna finish soon. With the studio on the way, it should see good promo for it.
Besides that, I think I'm stoning. Not exactly stoning, but it's a case of bribing myself to get psyched up for the next meeting.
Somebody wants us to produce somebody as well. How queer...asking what's a good price...I hate math.
Does anyone actually read these posts? Leave a note if you are. Introduce yourselves. Make friends.
Well, since I can't get far from setting the blog up, might as well just write something.
Guess it serves as a little neat reminder that many many things are happening, and I'm not keeping track of it all.
I'm feeling tired... couple of months from late nights is really not helping when I sleep days and live nights. The average person must be having a better time than I am.
Supper didn't help diffuse the tension over myself. To the extent I'm blogging! OMG!
I feel exhausted all of a sudden. It's all that tiredness trying to explain myself. Truth is, I do not feel I owe anyone any explanations. Fact is, I am explaning. Anal thing is, it's a never-ending struggle.
