Yeah, what a rush! I've been on my ass too long to be sitting on my jobs, and you guessed it, I'm always the last-minute kinda guy.
And for a miserable fee, I stayed up sleepless over the weekend trying to figure out what to do for that little video project. For the kids...yeah...for the kids. :wink:
I just got to mention this. [LINE] Was taking the train down to the studios today - kinda drizzly and got slightly wet. Anycase, got to Dhoby Ghaut station and managed to find myself a corner sit beside the intersection. In came this funky looking dude who sat right across me which I paid quite little attention to as I was on my Nokia game.
As the train moved on, 2 train marshals trooped into the carriage - mine being the last - and walked right past me. Then I notice the dude across whipping his little video cam outta the bag, and starting to shoot the train panels or something.
Then, 2 more marshals came trooping in. Moments later, all 4 converged on the dude and I clearly heard the question, "Excuse me, what are you shooting?"
The chap jumped, but I didn't look. The marshals were all armed and all and they practically surrounded the chap, who started apologizing profusely about the "no shooting" policy on the train. He was then made to playback the clip.
I wanted to laugh but hey, was trying to show a little compassion. While I applaud the security being put in place, I find it quite disappointing with airheads like that.
The funniest part? He spotted a goattee like those of JI dudes we've seen in the papers, and he's Malay.
Trying to be cool, I just carried on my game, not looking once at the commotion. The whole carriage was of course, staring at the situation, and I could feel the marshals' eyes on me the whole time.
Well, I just got off the train through the next cabin at my stop.
I'm cheesed off by a couple of people, namely the people who owe me mega explanations as to why I'm labelled a bad egg. Who fucking cares what happens to them when I'm wronged.
Sacrifices knows no returns, but sacrificed yet maligned will send them all to hell with me I'm fucking sure.
Lavish in all things material while they last, cos when it's over, I'm taking it back.
Darn the humidity! It's ripping the headphones apart! And it soiled the white cable of the Apple keyboard! And the white computer table! And it left a mark on... Darn...
What would you say in the face of greatness? [LINE] I think for the first time in my life, I wanna tell you what it grew up being me was like. Not that it's anything special, but cos you bothered. And I'm bothered.
So we rewind about 2 decades plus.
Growing up in a family with some excess was fortunate. I remember having the luxury of a nanny even though mom's a stay-home seamstress; the extravagance to be picky over food; the freedom to be out with my playmates; it's all good - I remember being picked on by my elder siblings cos life was just to cushy for me.
I learnt my first heartache in pre-school - my best friend moved house and switched schools; he was the guy who sat beside me on the first day cos I cried out of fear, comforted me and drew me Donald to cheer me up. We lost touch cos the telephone was a sacred thing then, and mom wouldn't have us travel alone.
In primary school I had my first crush. She was pretty, smart, and chatty - the princess anyone could have yearned for. But we lost touch cos I was too shy to tell her how I felt. 10 years later, she got married and had a baby. I never saw her again.
The world had always been a dark and gloomy place - my brother pushed me around, my sisters were too annoyed by me, my parents fought just about every other day. Life was a big question mark - and I just indulged in my own fantasies and playthings.
Primary school was also my first taste of betrayal and doubt. Secrets that were not kept made me the ridicule amongst peers; vicious finger pointing made me a rebel. I was a smart kid I think - I scored for my tests and excelled in my exams. But I decided to turn stupid.
Secondary school was a time of changes - friends who entered the same school became aquaintances, new alliances were formed and fun became the order for the day.
I slacked totally so that I could fit in and rebelled in the name of freedom. Home became a no-return zone, and friends became an addiction. But as soon as it happened, I got more confused than before - my grades were hanging by minute points and the future seemed bleak. But who cared about the future when adding zinc to hydrochloric acid or knowing how many times a ball pendulum swings made any sense. So I withdrew into myself. I didn't know what life was anymore.
At 16, I made a discovery - music healed my soul. It quenched my thirst and made me cry. I would tune in to the radio and cause a ruckus with my sing-alongs, and blast the cassette player till I was forced to unplug. Life, then, was all about music.
But it soon became apparent that there would not be a song that would describe me, my life, my emotions, at any one time. So I decided to write my own songs.
When I got into JC, things were finally crystal clear - if you're not in, you're out; if you're not staying, better leave. When enormous hopes were pinned on me to become somebody, I chose the chosen path, even though it was not chosen by me. That was despite having explored my artistic inertia during Secondary school days and I liked it. I drew endless mountains and skies, weaved enormous ratan baskets, painted bright decorative flowers, made aplenty in handicrafts; but I had to become. Somebody.
I played rugby thinking I could ramp myself dead; joined the school band so that I could turn deaf; stared at the lab computers just so that I could be blind. But it didn't work. I was still alive. And I thought I fell in love with a guy.
I met Jean during that time, and she became my only friend.
Then I joined the army in a rush, flopped my exams and busted my university entry deliberately. I hated school cos it was painful. It had no purpose. And I just wanted to become some junkie rock star.
The military was the exact life I was so not looking forward to - endless routines and torture. Yes, it was a fact - we paraded near naked at 3am in the mornings and got the brigs cos we fell down. Those were real abuse that never saw justice, and finally range came, and I pointed the rifle at my throat, although I never pulled the trigger. Becos of HK and Irwin.
They were my next best friends.
It was during this time that the family business fell apart. Education weren't thrown away - education became a dream. When I got out of the army, my sister enrolled me in a tertiary instituition teaching media. I had one last shot at getting an education, and fought like a lion ready to be shot.
I met many young people who weren't interested in their lives, but I met Jaz. She knew of me back in JC, but I never met her. She was like a fragment of societal norms, torn just as I was. We became good friends.
A young man appeared about this time, and I thought it would be wonderful to have a brother just like him - cool, funky, intelligent, and thirsty for success. I teamed with him on many projects and worked hard to excel in our work. We created a storm in our time and carried on a legacy that is now thwarted. By ourselves.
At this time, I finally trusted people. I found Angel. She became my soul and my support. She was happiness in this hated world.
Just before graduation, I wanted to become a musician, to be professional and be good at what I do. I wanted to write beautiful music to remember my family, and write songs to tell Angel I love her, to write words that would shower my best friends the best praises I could think of. But i couldn't afford it. And came back out to the world.
For many years I strived for a living, starved for success just so that I could live a better life, a life worth living. And the day came when I got a shot to call a place my own, work on works that were of my own. [LINE] And in the end, it all fell apart, like the leaves that stood the many storms that were ripped off the trunks in a single blow.
And blow after blow the leaves fell, singing the death song of the wretched leaves and dying tree.
I have walked in the shadow of the valley of death, yet life persists in natural burns. Born is a hope that the light is dimmed, yet that light proves too tempting to let go. [LINE] Sometimes it's not how fortunate I have been. Sometimes, it's how tuned I am to the norms. Yes, sometimes, ignorance, is bliss.
I have been sleepless of late. Too many thoughts that wonder, too many memories linger. I read myself in the mirror, and thought about the yonder: what would I be without shame, that my life would so much be hindered. [LINE] I'm the kind of guy who would stand in the corner of the room, in a party and slumber - be a knight in shining armor, kill fiery dragons with my excalibur. But each time I wake to the boom, of all the things that do not yield: to all my constant ramblings, and all my in-built fears - how would I be like, had there not been my brother, sisters, pa, and most of all, my mother. [LINE] One last thing to whimper, before I leave this blessed filler: if i have many a dollar, and I own all the world's most pretty flowers, I'll send one each to every person - short or tall, green or violet - with a handmade note that is scribbled, "I'll love you on earth or in heaven, but please don't give me up though I may be hell, in the fire." [LINE] Should there be one day that realises, what a fool I've been to be such a dreamer, I wish that all fools may be fooled, by their foolishness that I so perceived to be of a dreamer.
Yeah, what a rush! I've been on my ass too long to be sitting on my jobs, and you guessed it, I'm always the last-minute kinda guy.