Just because of pride, there are people who are actually willing to belittle others, or simply, pull together sizeable advantage to be appeased. I mean, what do they get out of placing themselves in the limelight and then downing others?
Satisfaction. Gratification. And definitely definition of their sick, perverse ideologies over what their diminished concept of embracing equilibrium and eliminating dominion of egoes would be.
I ain't a fighter and definitely not a peacemaker. Like a true blue streetkid, I think being given attention is already an extra bonus, somewhat a lottery-winning kind of feeling. Plus the fact that somebody actually decides to engage you in some ways useful is almost like being the F7 key on the keyboard that is finally being pressed.
So tell me. How many times have you ever used the F7 key? Or are you the F7 key?
Because, if the F7 key is unimportant to you, then you probably don't value what others can do. But if you're the F7 key, I salute you: you're configurable, yet not vying for attention, even though you are somewhat the humble kind.
My dear cyberspacemen, I love my job, and I love seeing young, inquisitive minds at work, hungry for new things everyday. And I gladly give what I can offer to feed that hunger - I guess making too many mistakes make you more obvious towards intangible things that protude like the F7 key.
And if you're telling me it's a group project, it's teamwork, it's having to do it together, know this - if you ever complain about some others who aren't cooperating, perhaps you have to ask yourself why aren't you instead.
I read in the papers last night, one of those gossip papers that paint the world in a myriad of colors more vibrant than a Picasso: a father-son team who terrorised an entire block of residents - the father strips and exposes himself to any female human, the son steals women lingerie, ejaculates into them, and returns them promptly.
And it went on for a year.
Now, either the team is lucky and somewhat quite welcomed to do what they are doing, or the residents are purely not very cooperative, but somewhat selfish, thinking others will do the reporting and stop the nonsense. For me? I would have gathered my friends, catch the fabulous two, tie them up nude at their main doors, and get an old (really old) prostitute to expose herself to them for a full hour. And each time they get an erection, we'll slap the erection till it dies down, keep repeating the process till they can't stand it anymore. Make it 2 hours.
I really don't know which to laugh at, or to feel disgusted at: the perverts, or the residents.
OMG. ONE FULL YEAR OF RAMPANT PERVERTIC BEHAVIOUR! I think the residents are more perverse to let it actually happen to them for that long.
Now tell me - have you done a check on yourself lately? Are you the real person, or are your saying others are unreal?
Who's to say we're this or that? For that matter, what ever happened to being critical? It's like, these days are filled with hypocracies narrowed down to plain banter of complete unimportance that is immersed in pure diplomacies and niceties.
I love Chinatown for that complete reverse reason: people are real, I don't see fancy theatrics that makes me nauseous, and certainly put up with no pretense. Yes, there could be luxury cars and the occasional flauntings, but think about it: they are real people doing real human things, regardless if they are of the good or the bad kinds.
So today I sat down for dinner at my favourite coffeeshop, ordered my usuals, teasing the lady taking orders about needing a menu and recommendation when thereafter, quite innocently, I ordered something else. And later on, she went on about collecting soda can rings so that she could exchange for a wheelchair to be donated to the Old Folks' Home. Such kindness in pure life without the limelight.
I'm sure you and me don't even match up, so quit whining about not knowing what to have for lunch tomorrow when many others don't ever get to choose.
And so, I reflected like a droplet against the mirror, watching myself crash and splatter in complete fantasy, then laying still until the mirror tilts a vertical, and I begin to dribble off it.
This is when I begin to wonder about some people around me that are filled with niceties in a suit and tie or a dress with pretty pleats. The astrocity to speak of the beautiful came suddenly full of hidden agendas and motivations.
By the way, if you find this wordy, well I've always been. You're more than welcomed to finish this line of thoughts and rebutting in your own unique ways.
Coming back, I was told about a friend who went cold with another. And this friend felt hurt because it seemed to be an own-doing, which I, of course, fiercely refuted having sufficient reasons to do so. My friend's a darling, how could such things ever happen, I questioned myself. Now it all falls into place - complete pretense in the most subtle manners anyone can afford to make do with.
Which inevitably brings me to a level above my knees weak in standing up against ill-intents - I now see further and deeper, and I begin to release myself from the grasp of use. I ever regretted some actions, but I would stand by them: Real People lived a Real Life.
I think I am real enough.
So this goes out to one specific person: if you are sorry, don't just say it. Show it and be it. I hate people using and throwing.
I know I've got things piled up to the brim, but I just needed to space out. And so I've finally took time to finish putting up new pictures, after a great BBQ party last night! Yeay~!
It's already tough to be working hard for your dough, but having to watch the clock tick sometimes just makes it all the worse. It's like, you're stuck at a job, and you look out the window, dream about the wonderful sea breeze and warm sun, think about your blades collecting dust in a corner of the room, and a whole bunch of things that you are probably missing out. That sucks. Anyways, so I was in session yesterday, decided to just take some nonsensical pictures:
That's Timothy from Mistaken Identity getting ready for his parts.
And that's Tim all into the music!
I mean, it's all good when you have work to do, but somethings just cannot be rushed. And it gets bored some times when musicians come in without their producers or mates, and all you can do is stare into blank space. But in my case, I stared into the camera~! Ha~!
Was on the way to work this morning when I noticed the river flowing a pale green. It was a nice little upbeat feel to have nature suddenly so close, yet not having to surrender to it like some hungry wolves.
It's been a beautiful day so far, just hope it holds up till late tonight~ One quiet party to be at to chill out and talk relaxed...
Given a day to do your best chores, which would it be? I personally prefer Sundays cos that's how I remember grandma's fresh morning coffee brew, and the distant birds; mist hanging over the fields behind the house, and "Snow White", the dog, coo-ing in the backyard with the rising warmth of the sun. I think I've described this scene at least a few times within the blogs - I really missed grandma.
When she passed on I was like 15 I think? I can't remember much then, except in her last days, she was frail, lost her ability to speak, and was always tearing because she didn't want to go. Alas. She did. And the family crumbled.
Whatever it was, too many what ifs to be guessed in life. So pick your best day today, and make it your legacy of memories.
OMG. I can't believe some people are so uptight about their blogs being on the charts... *Hand on forehead shaking head*... And having the first 10,000th visitor... *Finger at the temple rolling eyes*... When most of them are repeats... *Sigh*
I guess I've been lagging behind things due to sparsely placed focus and concentration. For one, things are moving, just a tad too slowly to amount much. Oh well. These are the days when, like someone puts it, I wish I had more hands.
It's strange moving from one city to the next. Since I came back 3 weeks back, I've been wanting to move there permanently. It's like much more hectic and chaotic as compared to where I am right now, but I'm just so sick of the pace here.
Of course, would be perfect if bucks are rolling in now.
This is the hottest password right now! "Marinate..." You got to kinda say it like Homer Simpson to get the right vibe! And it means this:
Supposedly you're in a situation whereby everything is getting out of control, you take a step back and observe, stay out of the foray till the dust is settled, then you go in with your bomb and kamikaze everyone along with you. So you say, "Marinate..."
Anywayz, I can't believe somebody's been climbing the Hot charts as well within a day wor! Copycat.
Like was said, "Don't envy me because I'm popular, cos I am."
I was standing in front of the mirror trying to finish a slice of white bread to fill the tummy before my medication, when I suddenly felt so pathetic.
That paling face just didn't make sense: every bite was tasteless, and each swallowing action brings pain. It's like - why me?
It's really pitiful to be a person in front, and a person inside. But yes, such is life.
"And I tossed my worries into the passing wind, may it carry them to where ends meet; with time it flutters back like a blackened seed, but with age I conquered the forsakened breed."
In any case, the right side hurt earlier, now's the left. Probs all settled in by tomorrow I suppose.
Either way, nothing much to bitch about except that I'm wondering about my current involvement in a couple of things. Let's see what I can think of tomorrow.
Before long, the theories that abound the silence did nothing more than to provide the conveniences of excusing the lapse, or more appropriately, the irreversible responsibilities.
Trying hard to seek shelter from the blistering sun at mid-day. This bulk of infection is really getting to me... Think I need more rest now. Goodnight cyberspace.
The most amazing thing happened to me this freak morning: somebody I hold dear and in high esteem actually said that I, yes! me, yours truly, am actually NOT interested and NOT concerned and NOT responding to this somebody's need for a shoulder!
Let's do a quick reality check: I cared, but this somebody's priorities didn't have it in the list. A simpler way to put this, if you so choose to wallow over your amazing problems, whatever I say or do is redundant.
I felt as if I made friends with some street-kid whom looks to me for emotional needs, but when I sit for company, the street-festivities immediately gets the kiddoe's attention.
I'm pissed - not because of non-reciprocal responses, but rather, being used as that one tool for stress-relief and solutions. Don't tell me huge religious, political, and social agendas and theories please. I am invariably sick, bad, but I'm already living my life. So, get a grip and move on - stop whining about have nots, want nots, and hope nots, because we have only this lifetime to live.
I REPEAT UNCEREMONIOUSLY IN CAPS: WE HAVE ONLY THIS LIFETIME TO LIVE. If you want to live for the country, if you want to live for your farm, if you want to live for your god, your words will be gold.
Your words are Gold. Don't squander it like some street-kid in a feast parade.
One more thought: if everything is pre-destined, your life is a complete waste of time.
And if I may add: if consequences are results of actions, then good luck, cos believing too much in something puts you in a medieval time-frame of total fear of the unknown, and you will never ever learn what is brewing in the rear direction.
Tell me, you live a hundred years full of ups and downs, after being created by your almighty, getting tested again and again, getting things through to see more things to come; you may be happy, but you can be sad, you go through all these after you're born, and you thank your creator for creating you? Isn't it funny? Creator creates a living thing, and makes it go through all kinds of things, and everyone's happy still? Your exitence: is that all its worth? Why make everything so complicated? Might as well not create, and not have all these "lives", don't create, and leave things be. Wouldn't that be easier? You get no wars, you get no hatred. All things in a normality, in complete equilibrium.
My question is: did the creation screw up, or is/are the creators just having a whale of a time seeing things happen?
I don't mean to be rude to anyone, but yeah, this sickness is really irritating. I ate okay, i do my sit ups, I sleep rather on time. But no. I can still get all this crap. Is it me or is it me.
Yeah. Great. One of my worst fears keep coming back to haunt me. And this time round it hits in half a day, now feeding myself a double dose so that I can still hit the beach tomorrow.
I hope the lungs burst open tomorrow. Sick of nursing this fucking wound.
A 14-month old baby laid in a craddle outside the orphanage, cooing to the warmth of the morning sun and breeze, shaking a rattler rather violently waiting for a playmate.
A trucker wiped his brows in the hot afternoon sun as he leaned in the shade side of his monster truck after blowing a tyre along the dusty freeway.
Maybe we shouldn't say goodbye. Maybe we should try to make something beautiful.
It's strange how some people can stick by others through thick and thin, whining and kicking, yet not be appreciated. Then there are those whom we're so crazy about even though they wouldn't stay or don't give a damn - they leave and they are still gold.
A lot has happened lately and I took my time to suss out what's good and what's unnecessary, the best part is to find out what's in my best interest. Regardless of what cannot be professed by itself, I think I have come to only one conclusion:
Good guys die first, bad guys die last. Repentence will be retributed with revenge, and regret with ruthlessness.
A conversation last night made me ponder what value I am worth - and as it switched sides over the faultlines, nobody saw the other's perspective; instead, finger pointing ensued over what was and what was not.
I've been to so many entries and a common trait I found was: point-of-views are often skewed, and they are way detailed than necessary.
I flipped though mine own and discovered the exact reverse. I penned close to a thousand entries that could have very well made a book, yet, it would have been touching the water with a slight ripple and skating through it like ice.
In other words, have substance no contents. Good looking vase with no flowers.
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Jean, sorry I've been so uncontactable. If you need anything, call me 3 times in a row and it'll be done. I promise.
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And responding to feedbacks about me being wordy, shallow and unresponsive: try some other blogs.
Sometime this week a lady was raped by 3 brutes after failing to get anything out of her boyfriend. They wanted to rob him of his cash and car, but after failing to get much, they decided to dump him and raid his apartment, whom they found the lady sleeping in. Took turns to rape her then cleaned out the house and her car as well.
Earlier in the year, a practicing doctor was arrested for the possession of drugs after he tried to do a threesome with 2 other guys at a hotel. He was pounced upon by narcotics officers before he even made it up to the room.
A middle-aged man lectured a younger one on a bus, after the latter was a tad loud on the phone. He did so for 6 minutes, all captured on a mobile phone and later circulated on the internet. Weeks later, after much fame, he was brutally beaten up by 3 masked man.
To the people upstairs, - don't give me something and then take it away. If it was never meant to be mine, don't shove it to me like a whining baby, then take it away at your leisure supper time; don't throw your rubbish that I keep like gold, then realised you threw it away by mistake and you want it back; don't make a deal when you can't keep your part; and certainly don't make me happy for the sake of it. I am not some surrogate test-lab specimen.
I am not a fucking test-lab specimen.
Foremost, thank you all for your continued patronage to this very humble blog that I sometimes displease some, sometimes somewhat contradicting and controversial to your beliefs, and certainly not always as positive as you hope it to be. And it is with your love-hate relationship that you've helped pushed "I" into the top 100 of tblog's hottest blogs chart, clocking more than 23,000 visitors within 3-4 months since the revamp - all a feat I never relished.
And I mean it.
Perhaps you thought it was all nice. Perhaps I make sense, or perhaps you just like the nonsensical arguments. You are welcomed to keep reading, but please stop asking me if I am in trouble, or am troubled, or am creating trouble. The average crying baby, begging old man, struggling single mom all deserve more attention than I.
I sincerely thank all the concerns which I cannot even start to list; but know this, I still get questions about what I really am thinking inside till today. Fact: no one understands, but thanks for trying.
Just to remind a select few: if you feel disadvantaged in some ways, or jealous about someone, just remember, you are on one side of the riverbank, while everthing else is on the other. They are looking at you too and who know's what they are thinking, about you.
Darling, if it ain't oiled out, spit it out. Oh, yeah, welcome home. And before I forget, have a good trip.
Not bad wor, inching bit by bit up the charts! School Power - Irritating. =) Congrats!
