I learnt another humility lesson today after uttering something quite unintentional - due to a big bout of fatigue and stress - and just through one word: "ethics".
That completely jolted me out of my own little world. It's almost as if I went back to school with a tunnel vision on what life is outside my circle. From the looks of things, if I continue harboring myself alone in the office, and holing up with the piles of work inconsistently, I might just end up the village in a metropolis.
And as it is heading now, projects are dying down, and I'm spiralling towards a really long lull. On one hand, I would love to get more in, but on the other, I'm tired of being a hermit in a well where the sky is either black or white.
For those who have been cheering me on, I hope I have been of help. For those jeering, think twice.
Something else which I found quite intriguing lately: the pendant I've been wearing for a while now. There's really very few other pieces that I've seen: one more to be precise - of the same design but a different texture. And thus far, those who have actually seen it veered towards a gentle surprise of sorts. Perhaps, hardly seen anyone who would wear something like that. Or perhaps, a little shocked to see someone actually wear something like that.
I had a Deja Vu today. And I'm scared. There are simply some things that I cannot ignore, and it comes flooding in like an avalanche of thoughts and things and matters that don't really matter. I'm just not too sure if I am over-worked, or did I underplay. Critically, this would have just been a block of text that binds what reality is to virtuoso.
As I left office today, down the steps, my hair stood as I kept feeling this queasy feeling of somebody rolling down the stairs and pinning me down like a boulder.
Something's gonna happen. I think I know what it is, but I can't say. For, every premonition that is mentioned, worse would come. Tell me I'm wrong.
Finally! By a stroke of luck after many years in solitude, unable to unite with his long lost brother, always thinking and pondering when that day will come, perhaps all queasy and uncomfortable all these years in that little pillow box waiting for it all to happen...
Ernie finally sees Bert!
Okay okay, pictorials aside, I was hopping around Cineleisure and somehow wondered into this toys store cos of this huge, toddler sized Ernie, when I finally spotted Bert strewn in a corner. It was exciting! I brought him home immediately!
Anyway, it's been a horrendous Monday with a major meltdown on the servers and a ping-pong situation over me getting to sound right like a chicken for a television commercial. I mean, hello?! Do they even have an International Chickenish to begin with? Still, the nightmare continues tomorrow with the server and the chickenish. Just hope it flies through fast!
Got myself 4 new Ts over the weekend! Finally! Now there's definitely more protection over the favourites so that I won't don them too often!
Check this out!
I've also noticed how little updates there've been on the other blogs. People?! What's going on? Bedtime stories are great, but I can't be going for old posts...
Oh, YJCians, FYI, 20th Anniversary Gala Dinner coming up. If you googled this line, get in touch with me. I'm the 9th batch I think.
To the dude who's seriously infected with the darn virus - please run a scan and weed the damned worm out! Please! You're flooding my comments box EVERY DAY! You ASS!
I flew through the highways tonight with a chip on my shoulder, and beer stains round the collar, thinking rhetorically: wild.
There's that certain air of punctuation like as if you kinda know it? Although you don't? But you still do? That's kinda what was, and it punctured a bit on the ego especially when I'm somewhere close to the yes-man.
I remember all that time spent working on "I" that I knew but never knew what was to come. Those days were wild: it became sort of a thinking point where everthing had an explanation but no directions. Be it a reason to write or play, what was done was just that - to get done.
Some people knew of my premonitive, or should I say, cognitive observation skills, and sometimes trust my intuitions quite a bit. That's nice, except I don't charge. So that makes me dumb.
It started on the day I lazed at the TV thinking what could be wrong with myself, and this particular series just suddenly popped this bitter-sweet melody in my head. From that point, the TV went blank, and I was repeating that phrase in my head over and over.
The very next morning I stoned myself out on the way to work, constantly repeating that phrase in my head. By the time I reached the office, that phrase just got stashed. When I finally got a breather on that afternoon, I whipped out the guitar, played a couple chords, and wrote instantaneously, "But I talk to myself, no words not a sound, there's evil around, haunting me".
The tune then exploded, music got recorded, and the next thing, I finished that song the same night.
I could still remember the reaction on Angel: she spun round and asked, "Who's song is that you writing for?" to which I felt that sense of standing at the winner's podium for that one last time.
3 days after, all that needed to be fixed, was, and I presented the song to several people, whom, strangely, raised their brows at the beginning, then asked when it would be released. It felt good. It felt like it was the only song that everyone ever liked. It synched the spirits.
By the time I made the remix, it became sort of an anthem that everyone was kinda putting it to their lips.
Hence, for all its worth - a song that predicted a heartbreak, a betrayal, a calling, and an end - throw this link out to as many people as you can.
I guess it's almost naptime, so I'll go really fast on this entry for tonight: I was being asked about some status quo issues that ignited a few situations, and I rudely responded with my own dose of potent rebuttals.
Since the seperation, it's been a bouncing situation of balancing in mids, then falling off to self-indulgence. That said, I've a good mind to put an end to all that by propelling what is critical to future survival in the quickest possible way. And the only conclusion I ever envisioned was to raise the necessary resources to do so.
And beyond that, it's really where the roads will lead.
Hence, it suddenly dawned on me that perhaps, just perhaps, I might strike gold at the end of the rainbow for a change, and begin to take things even more blessedly into the future. Reflections and laments aside, in which aspects do we all not wish that Fairy Godmom really exists.
Now it boils down to wishing for lottery money and miraculous investments. Even a sudden explosion of promotions to kick start my own selling seems real.
I made twenty cents back in the cab I was in, speeding to the studios as mom was around the vincinity with a friend. I think I did? Cos it wouldn't fall out the pocket of this really shrunk pair of jeans I was wearing, and the wallet was firmly clasp in my hand. That sort of prompted me to simle, for, we get a little lucky once a while.
Somethings need a blurred perspective to get by just nice. It's about being in doubt, but just moving on to see what comes next - largely, I guess, to accertain that we aren't almighty, and that we are still human. Prey or not, it's not always survival of the fittest. Like Newt in Aliens: she survived without firepower.
So who do you live for?
We've been all captured by imageries throughout our lifetimes, yet, one thing we never succeeded in conclusion, was, is, and will ever be, you and I.
There'll always be facets of life that goes beyond these imageries, consistently proving us wrong about what we knew was right. The waves will then rise again to devour our humblest safe-zone of comfort. That's when everything would crumble like the Roman empire. Self-fulfilled prophecies.
I type tonight, to share a truth. But I actually wonder who wouldn't be genuinely interested.
Parts of the past, present, and future have already presented itself in the most obvious and apparent ways that even Nature has its reservations about.
I woke this morning with a sort of hangover from last night and the last one year. Still, with the routines all done up, I sat for brunch with mommy, and she suddenly passed a comment that she's proud that I could be more magnanimous than she anticipated. I shot her "the" look as if I had suddenly just popped out the box.
I guess I see sense in what she said, although I thought that be the best option to stay positive than to revisit old ugly truths repeatedly without any breathers. And it cerainly bothers me if the people around feel more angst than I already am feeling.
So I kinda went to work with skips in my steps, kinda chirpy that (finally) someone so important actually lightened up, and has chosen to look at things a little less critically, sincerely. By the time I got to the studio, it felt elevating. It doesn't really matter why? It's just what may bring that I thought would be great motivation for a change.
I found my block on Google Earth. Amazing.
And because of Goggle Earth, my sis called me up like midnight, screaming and whining about how it ate up the system resources after installation, and how bad it crashed thereafter.
The funniest part: someone still pondered about Google Earth over an atlas.
Yups! What a silly agenda but hey, it's proven to beat the market really nice! Anyway, was down at Bar None to catch Electrico, and Auburn's Ephiphany opened the set! Great show! We need more class A bands like that.
As promised, I would now share with you my shock at the advancements of education: imagine my genuine surprise when my dear HH mentioned that he would locate a particular place with an atlas. OMG. That is so last century! Google Earth darling, Google Earth!
I'm not complaining, just that I think we've moved on from paper maps.
And imagine this: "..have tea and come.."?!
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Anyhow, I finally made time to head back to the place I yearned every week: the BEACH! for a nice cool tan and some space out time. Strangely, for a nice sunny weekday, the place was almost bare and hardly visited by tourists even.
The Sunshine boy Is Back!
And no prize for guessing who tagged along...
Still, I actually managed to see the ongoing construction of the new tram service, the new musical fountain, and a brand new hotel villa. Everything looks great! Plus, I renewed my Islander application way ahead of time! Okay. No point telling you that. But I had tons of fun, just hope it rubs off onto you too!
It starts here: On the tram back to the bus interchange.
The friendly tram service that goes round the island.
Not very good imitating the honk.
The photo whore...as usual...
Influenced...
The new train service coming soon!
With the powers combined...
And here's waiting for the bus back to departure hall...
And that's the bus~ DUH
And this is getting caught on camera unaware...
And I just thought this nice ;)
Anyways, we decided to hop over for lunch at Harborfront...
And had this too...
And this too too...
And... what to say... Gluttony shows :D
Even Big Beard agrees...
Oh well, that much for putting up an entire Sentosa Chronicles on the blog. Think it takes up too much space. Gonna go sleep now. Nighty cyberspacemen! Till the next entry!
AND TO THAT ASS WHO'S BEEN POSTING EMPTY MESSAGES ON MY 2 POSTS! GET A DAMN LIFE ASSHOLE! YOU ARE FLOODING MY COMMENTS COLUMNS YOU IDIOT!
when nights and days are gone: the one you loved - be strong: what cannot fade will only haunt: what would not stay will soon be gone: what you believed will be yours
The dead walks again just like before: I thought I've heard it all, but I guess its simply a recurring nightmare of sorts that wouldn't give itself up like a flashbulb illuminating on its own. Since 4ft time, I knew I didn't possess much of a talent, let alone having the intelligence to tell that. I thought I was a smart kid, but it gradually slip-slided into orgasmic fantasis. And all that time, everyone called me ugly.
Such is the world of facade-thinking, where eyes react faster than the average erection or the heightened orgasmic response: I've used such extreme terms simply for the fact that, 'if not looks-at least money' syndicate living is so incorporated in our lives. The teacher called me a bad egg, my best friend called me mouldy, my brother called me a wussy, even my mom called me a hum-burger for crying lots. And it is exactly why i detest calling people names lest they are close to me - and even that would just be in jest - cos it hurts to be called something and you toss and turn in bed for hours till you lose sleep and appetite. Which also concludes: to me, good people are called darlings, bad people simply motherfuckers. All other choices are really unnecessary.
That probably explains why, after years of victimized n ame-calling, I became rather detached, and formed an unnatural emotional burden with the environment, wherever I may be. This, of course, wouldn't be the most rational explanation to offer on how unfathomable I have become, even to myself, and although it does somehow bridge the differences, it merely exemplifies the need to adopt a friendlier approach, even a more approachable approach, for people to people connection.
A couple of days back, a mother was tugging her crying 4 year old daughter down the walkway, rushing home presumedly, when she suddenly pulled her up to the front of an uncovered drainage, shouted at her if she would liked to be thrown in, making the girl cry profusely, shaking all over, and screaming that she wouldn't want to be.
It broke my heart.
For those who ever said that the world is beautiful can come lick me. At my ass.
Slowly, I begin to see why I have survived for this long, without fail, to unwavedly condition and motivate myself to live. It almost works like an equation which can = just about anything I do in life / say in life + think in life: just that I indulged in complete solo fantasies where I am not alone, and nobody thinks I'm crap. Truly, be yourself. Truly.
Some people believe in magic, some people believe in needs, some people believe in you and me.
To the fella who somehow found a way to spam without IPs on my blog, you're really good. To be able to leave close to a hundred empty messages within hours on this blog is really an incredible feat, considering it takes between 15 to 60 seconds to load this blog. I'm truly impressed. Get a life.
==========+==========
I suddenly want to commit thoughts mass exodus for the night. Too many things' been bugging me and my poor little data bank doesn't seem to adjust quite well to that. Perhaps the direct line of thoughts does not exactly paint a sunny boulevard picture that eventually exerts an inertia over the sudden memory explosion.
Special Singaporean Export to Australia, then Re-imported back to Singapore.
Actually, don't quite make sense la. But welcome back anyway.
Anyways, I guess it's the easiest thing to do no doubt, but having people from all over the country to come together at one spot to see Jean somehow makes it like some Kobe Beef showcase. Literally.
Which was the topic of the day.
Drawing specific parallels.
Still, I think we wanted to do this dumb thing of photo-exclusives across several blogs at a go, just not too sure if it actually got to that. Check out the Rambler and One Headlight to see it for yourself.
I, of course, have my own version.
2 to 1. One Headlight ma.
Well, if it's anything specific, I thought this shot was nice.
Okay okay. For once I'm gonna go back on my words: no, I will not blog about how things look so dark for K1 cos he was wearing shades; no, I'm not gonna write about how Kenny times the duration of toilet visits; and nope, ain't gonna mention how K2 piss into a hairy sponge, brings it home and just squeeze them out.
Okay, I'm really upset now. Just found out somebody stole my freaking amazing marketing ideas and re-using them to serve their own bloody propagandas. OMG. I'm so fucking blowing my top now. The worst thing is to rip somebody off and work on stroking their anal egoes till they ejaculate like some fucking horny wild dogs. Can't people just think of their own fucking grand idea to make themselves look fucking good?! It's not even my problem and I didn't even fucking charge man! I hate posers for one, but rippers are just plain gunning brains down like a static target board hung in a corner of the room amongst like... a million others? This is fucking fucked up man. And don't fucking tell me great minds think fucking alike. That's fucking bull man.
I had been corresponding with somebody lately, and chapters upon chapters of what used to be somehow stacked high against the wall - to the point I actually ran out of explanations, reasons, and eventually, patience to contain my disgust to reiterate the stories all over again.
It was out of goodwill, but sometimes it hurts to be answering a question that probes so deeply like a dredge sucking deep sea water.
How do you answer a question like, "What was the real reason it (Nightsound) disbanded?" I'm sure the select few looking at this post would have something to offer for an elaboration. But really, would you even bother to try?
I guess that sort of kept me suppressed for the last 2 days, wondering about in the valley of doubt, and struggling in the belly of what-ifs. I suppose it doesn't really matter unless the truth does somewhat make a difference, which, as it is, doesn't quite make sense anyway.
Perhaps it's been so darn boring thinking about the whys, that things do become important. Irwin's been right all these years: People think too much.
Just to lament a little more. Should I send a pretty gift? or a giant pig head?
"Time flies away: away
There's a truth in tomorrow
To take away all the sorrows: as the skies fall down
There's a hope I can see, without my eyes
Done: what cannot be undone
With promises we cannot find; lies we cannot hold
There's always tomorrow;
We will be here tomorrow - without me around
There's the love I can't give:
That I can't live, and I can't find
Can't leave it with you
There's no need to cry:
When there's no more feelings
What hurt you and I was when we said goodbye
What love could not try:
Is take away the feelings
What wrecked you and I, was you and I"
Of all things, this girl came up to me yesterday, set herself down on the sofa, looking innocent and all, then sheepishly asked me, "Eh, how do you fill this in ah?" And flashed 2 pieces of the lottery slips with a big bright smile!
OMG! Angel!!! You're not a 4D Virgin anymore!
Million dollar smile~ macham already won!
I've been finding loose pictures all over the shop all of a sudden, completely disorganised and in the biggest variety of formats I've encountered yet. But good thing I suppose, at least there are some nice decent ones to use!
It's amazing. Somebody actually Yahoo-ed Nightsound and found the main site. Prior to that, another one Googled the band name, got to the main site, ripped the place apart and dwelved right into it's history.
I did a search myself based on these 2 experiences and actually found footprints all over the WWW.
And I'm just about to change names!
(I actually responded to an email for almost 2 hours. Darn. I'm beat.)
I actually bothered to refined this post for some unknown reasons: deleting 2 previous entries before stoning and spacing out to oblivion. And oblivion it sure is - I'm just staring at the screen with people logging in and out of the IM systems. I think I need some inspiration and creativity or it's gonna be a really boring day ahead.
Anyways, speaking of boredom:
CK: Eh, you have time you should go to his garage sale.
K1: Huh? Serious ah? That bad ah?
Me: Yeah, what to do? Short of cash...
EN: Reserve one for me leh.
Me: Sure thing. What color you prefer?
EN: I thought that one at the back looked nice...
K1: ???
Me: Tell you what, I reserve the one with the spoiler.
EN: I thought all got spoilers?
K1: Diao
CK: Can give discount not?
Me: Wah lau...I try la. If not for money urgently...
And I can't remember the rest. Talk about talk cock.
Soft spots are seriously hard to contain, especially when it comes from bug-eyed innocence. I hate it when I have to eat my own words cos someone else changed my mind with such sincere notions.
Still, not running ahead of myself, sticking to ground rules and then having to take flight makes me cringe in a way that it can't really be flattering. Nonetheless, I'm just telling myself to take it in stride. Night for now, cyberspacemen.
For someone who compares you to picking up a fifty on the sidewalk, honestly, how many of you would still keep in touch?
It just amuses me some: for nobody would dare drop a comparison on me as such in my face, and certainly I know I ain't that cheap. But to know someone else doing it somewhat pisses me off, and the response altogether becomes unfathomable.
It's almost time.
I can smell it.
I can feel it.
I can sense it.
I can see it.
I can breathe it.
I can hear it.
I can soon dragon it.
And if ratings are anything to go by, I think I lost my temper today. I could almost feel the heat purging out the shoulders in waves till it burned my cheeks a little. I still can't quite believe how angry it got me after all that patience practice. Blood boiled and bones chattered.
I can feel it.
(An hour later, I walked back in here)
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It's been a while since I had chilled out over beer and chips in this room in the wee hours of the morning, ranting away on my infamiliarity and glee.
Fuzzy thinking has become the order of the day, breaking new grounds soon the epitome of joy and hardships. I relent therefore to the god-driven society of humanity, moving towards what-ifs and how-shoulds.
I like chocolates. I like chocolate milk. I like strawberries. I like strawberry cheesecakes. I like mangoes. I like mango pudding. I like comic books. I like slapstick comic books cos they are the hardest to pull off.
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Had sex on MSN:
fren: ..i need sex...
me: so i poke you or you wanna suck?
fren: both!
me: POKE POKE POKE
fren: MOANZZZZ
fren: SUCK SUCK SUCK
me: MOANZZZZ
me: let's lie back and relax
fren: zzzzzzz
----------+-----------
Finally spotted this with a camera on me:
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
How can anyone drive a van so filled up?! It's like there's a place for A driver no doubt, but look at how much things are squeezed in!
If I may, please observe Exhibit A: the rear is all filled with plastic bags full of... stuff! OMG. And the front passenger seat is practically non-existant! Exhibit B demonstrates the frontal lean of the piled up things towards the driver's seat. How can anyone squeeze themselves into this vehicle? The laden weight must be quite horrifying! All but one of the mirrors probably works as the rest would have been blocked!
Now the burning question is... what is the van really filled with? I shall investigate the next time I see the van.
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I seriously need some cheering up - after like 4 weeks of non-stop flight inflight, I think I'm pretty much busting my sanity, not to mention I'm losing track of all time just sitting in that 800 plus square feet worth of space all around me. I need professional help. Jean. When are you coming back?!
I just got off a meeting with some people - came to realise how some things can be changed so quickly to advantage or disadvantage. I'm really talking about living in a place where people take advantage of people if it's to satisfy their own quotas and reservations.
Truthfulness can be bought.
I be losing you if it's just because I'm a good train to ride on.
Strangely, moving around in a tiny step can be a sweet little thing to do. It's like a bun falling off the basket and making such a mini-sound that only the table hears and feels. The bun would be okay, and so we all know, and it would sit till somebody puts it right back to where it fell off, just a tad further in.
So begins a new track, like taking out the bookmark, reading on some, and putting it right back where the last page has been turned, pondered, and relished like clear water running through a small stream by the village, breeding puny fishes glistening in the sun.
Perhaps we dire to hear stories that forces a little tear to the eye, tingles the nose and cracks the voice, but it shouldn't be so.
As we sieve through so many lives, bug-eyed or not, tiny things do matter. That little red notebook or the special fingerprint-sized origami star.
Perhaps seeing a third funeral around the area felt a little grey, and perchance, for once, seeing things in black and white helped. I would love to see your smile, but I guess that would be a while. Now that we're all grown up, a glass of wine in exchange for a packet of milk we used to drink in school sounds exhilarating doesn't it?
How far have I come? How far have you gone? How far would we go?
I've missed lots of special mentions for a while now:
Jean: I'll see you soon!
Cher: Hang on darling! I'm rooting for ya!
Kevin: Good to have you back!
CK: Get well soon sweetie!
Ting: Sunflower Girl is back! Yeay!
Dee: See la, waste time, now cannot date liao!
Euge: Take it easy brother, your efforts will pull off!
Alan: Ditto.
Vicks: You won't get the scent too often. So remember it!
Rina: You're such a sweetheart! Thanks!
Lisa: Missed you girl!
Es: Grit tight!
Kenny: We're almost there! I'm right behind!
ZK: Press on brother! Press on!
Alicia: Four walls can be creative! Don't lose sight! Make sight!
HH: Fabulous dance!
Jazz: I hope you're reading this. We're in Sunset Boulevard!
And to those whom I didn't wink at tonight, I guess I'd have to do that when I'm more awake. Nighty cyberspacemen.
All the time that's been lost. All that's been said and resaid. It's almost time to relent and be content. I don't really know what's going on, nor do I know what's gonna happen next. Someone shoot me.
Dear all, I'm having a garage sale at my house next Saturday. It's a bit embarrassing really, but because of my tight financial situation (supporting my lovers, sleeping partners, debts, living expenses, etc.), I'm finding it a bit difficult with money at the moment... especially with a new office to take care of, as you guys are aware. I've decided, with much hesitation, to hold this garage sale and hopefully with your generosity, I may be able to tie over for the next couple of months.
Desperate times calls for desperate measures, but I'm sure I'll be able to get out of this mess soon. I've linked the high resolution photo of my prized processions below, so if you see anything you like, please let me know soonest possible so that I can reserve it for you, assuming the price is right.
Hope that I can count on you and please feel free to bring your relatives and friends... the more the merrier! So malu, but what to do. Thanks in advance yeah?
I gladly gave myself half a day off today after 4 weeks of non-stop working both in the office and on set, weekends all included. Just found it quite surprising that I can still operate at about 75% capacity despite being a frozen piece of meat for the last 2 years.
Anyhow, I got major skin peel from all the sun on location, and although I must say it's been nice, warm and sunny, but the dryness kinda got to me.
That's how it is.
Well, off-days are great. Might top it up with a midnight movie later. Oh, HH, good luck for your show! I'm rooting for ya!
It started first when we could get a little off topic and just somehow end up with nothing to say. Then it happened on the phone, where topics could completely run dry. Now, whether it's ICQ or MSN, people put themselves "Away", or "On The Phone" practically all the time.
The funny thing is, they could be chatting while "Busy" or "Do Not Disturb".
Is there really that little to chat? When have we become so dry?
I learnt another humility lesson today after uttering something quite unintentional - due to a big bout of fatigue and stress - and just through one word: "ethics".
Ernie finally sees Bert!
Check this out!
Million dollar smile~ macham already won!
