Thomas buried his face in his rough and blackened hands, seated on an almost broken wooden chair sulking, just after tossing the last chopped piece of the dining table in the fireplace for what seemed like any likeness of Christmas.
Little Sasha was angry with Thomas, not for the baked beans in ketchup and bread for dinner - after Thomas lost his job during the Great Depression - but for the teddy that never was which he promised the Christmas last.
It sucks when people think you can't hold your promises.
In the line of my work, I do tend to be overly attached sometimes to the projects I work on. And it might take a really small thing to trigger a whole chain of emotions that could potentially last quite a while.
So I was browsing through someone's blog when I came across an account on the ethnic cleansing in Indonesia. It wasn't really credible, although there were some first perspectives that were very heart wrenching. For one, to go through something as watching your family members being raped, and then getting raped yourself, it's quite hard to believe how anyone could have had that story told, and to relive it for years after.
The attached pictures helped make it too real, which was why there are doubts, but there would be truth in it.
I've heard about the stories of ethnic chinese being killed back in the late 90s, and many stories were exchanged then - some were accounts from victims, yet others from those who escaped or witnessed the mini-Holocaust. It fueled anger in many, but because too little were actually reported, probably due to political reasons, much of the emotions evoked dissipated as quickly as it swept through Asia.
[The reported attacks ranged from degrading and humiliating the women by making them to strip and perform callisthenics in public to repeatedly raping the victims and then throwing them into burning buildings. Victims were girls and women aged between 10 and 55, workers of human rights and women’s aid groups said.]
[Some of the rapists said, ‘You must be raped because you are Chinese and non-Muslim.’" said Ita Nadia, who works at a crisis centre, Kalyanamitra. Indonesian onlookers of the brutal acts like Tono, an office boy at a public relations company, dared not to help or try to stop the attacks in fear of their own safety.]
[...a housewife of Jalambar, West Jakarta, who has planned to flee with her two teenage daughters, told reporters that a couple were undergoing treatment at Bhakti Husada Hospital for deep psychological trauma as they could not accept the deaths of their three teenage girls at the family’s shop at Glodok business centre in West Jakarta on 13 May.]
["Two of the girls threw themselves into the fire that gutted the shop after they failed to help their youngest sister, who was gang-raped by a mob," she recounted. Distraught, the young girl followed her sisters by jumping into the fire from the second floor.]
[Many people remain sceptical over the government’s sincerity and ability in bringing those who masterminded and involved in the attacks to justice, as it is widely believed that the rioting was related to a struggle among key Indonesian power-holders and racial hatred was instigated to create opportune political and social conditions for a power redistribution at the top.]
[(Source: This article is compiled from information provided by the Social Welfare Guidance Foundation, which is campaigning to stop making the minorities the scapegoat in Indonesia, and press reports.)] ***Above selected passages were taken from Human Rights Solidarity website at click here
What do you make of that? Cited were cases and speculations, yet the horrors within the description are vivid and uncanny. That brought me down a little, and when I started working on a short film, it fleeted with unfocused directions.
To make it worse, I came to a part that made me close to tears, making the whole experience quite unbearable.
But perhaps that is the secret to being able to touch with my work.
And the Mid-Autumn Festival is heating up the streets round the studio, with practically every store-front decorated with lanterns of all shapes and sizes!
Lanterns overhead!
Street stalls selling festive stuff!
Stall with latern specialties!
And lanterns everywhere else!
LOL.
Some light decorations in the studio too!
Big Dragon!
Now I guess what's left for me to do is to hunt for the tastiest mooncakes around! Too bad, this year the work is gonna clash with the festivities. Would be great to have a little party at home like the last one, just to get together again.
Jean, you've practically missed all that for the last dunno how many years! Time to ship your ass back here~!
I don't understand how people, including myself, can always substantiate for nonsensical posts that doesn't even address real life issues or grapple with real world events, yet, able to be some of the chart toppers. Prime example, check out Hot Blogs Top 10. And somebody's climbing that bit too. OMG.
Been an interesting day doing up a couple of things. Was doing a demo video on our services, making things go way off than they really are, and actually having a laugh about it.
Managed to complete a pretty decent mix on an album too, and guess I'll have to wait for feedback when the guys who played have a listen to it.
And Chinatown's filled with lanterns. Shall bring back some pictures tomorrow!
Supposedly got some time together with my dear friends for a quiet dinner, but didn't quite expect the restaurant to be a hard find. I was given the address, somewhere down at Little India, and just vaguely made my way there. By the time I reached my stop, I studied the map at the train station, briefly made a mental note, and zoomed right off.
And who knew! I was bashing my way through blindly!
The streets were chaotic. Didn't know where to go the minute I hit the main road.
By vibe, I walked through the Deepavali market.
Passed by this greens shop with a huge signboard..
Now, doesn't that make it look like some Bollywood shoppe?
Anyway, walked through all that flash.
Guess what? It took me like 15 minutes to get here! And who's idea was it?!
Make a guess? That's Irwin & Esthar.
Me & HK!
Oh well! Good dinner with great company and a gift! Yeay!
Still, the restaurant's ambience is fantastic! Lagnaa, Upp Dickson Road.
And here's number 5. You gotta get there to know what that means.
From the rear view.
Oh well. Great quiet night with all that jazz going on round Little India. With all the festivities round the corner, you guys should check it out. It's really different now.
And that means you go through the motion, you reach an automatic climax, you present a factual scientifique finding, you respond to a mathematical calculation, and certainly have no heart.
Well well, finally took some time off to get back to my usual mischieves and chills. It's been a really nice breezy day, partly cloudy, yet cooling as was. Certainly brought round a nice sunny day half-way here and there!
I killed one of my worst nightmares earlier on, almost too effortlessly than I imagined - it destroyed the fear and doubts that bound me for too damn long, and is finally showing signs of advance, through just a 2000 Rapsani.
With that, everything else should fall in place in the coming days. I just needed this tiny push to get ahead.
I just found out that little girl next door has transformed into a swan of sorts. Met her at my door on the way in, and almost couldn't recognise her. Best part, she actually knew who I was, and gladly offered pleasantries. Ok, now I'm shy.
And I hear ya' all go, "Shy?! That's not a word to describe him!"
ANYWAY.
Had a really bad night last, kept having dreams of all kinds that seemed to have popped like Jack in a stuffed boxed filled to the brim. Didn't quite understand why or what it all meant, but surely, I think I'm wide awake.
The most cruel thing was: there weren't any numbers prompted.
Three bombs went off Saturday night in a busy tourist district in Thailand, killing a couple, wounding lots more, and scaring everyone.
Funny thing was, it's just over a thousand kilometers away from where I am, yet, it feels so remote. Then the worse news came: amongst the dead, one confirmed to be from here.
Ok, so that did strike a chord, but not enough to convince me to join some neutrals and break up the fight. I do not think I need to be hypocritical about it on this blog though, by offering condolescences and prayers - thing is, if the world is bent on destroying itself, then it's best it do so quicker.
I was watching "Band Of Brothers" (finally, thank you), and on one of the episodes, the filmmakers attempted to answer the fundamental question of the Americans in the war: to liberate and retaliate. The film showed Easy Company stumbling upon a concentration camp in Germany, and the discovery of all things unpleasant.
And it boiled down to one man, Hitler, the cause.
As real as they have tried to potray the war, Americanism stood out like a sore thumb over everything else. Entertaining, but little after-taste. Still, with what ever much they tried to show, any repeats of it now would be a complete white-wash all over the world.
I suggest you good folks start doing what means the most to you. Nostradumus once hinted. We all know too. War, is imminent.
You are a Chicken Supreme Pizza! Be it spicy, roasted or ham, you love them all! Just like your attitude towards friends, you accept and love your friends for who they are. You are also faithful to your family and friends; someone who can be trusted and depended on. One bite into this pizza and you'll love it for life!
A man walked into a fast food restaurant and ordered a set meal for take out, when a little girl came running from behind, tripped and fell flat right behind him. She broke into tears, and the man promptly picked her up.
In a reassuring tone, he told the girl that she would be fine and that crying would make the fall hurt more. She simmers down, and he ordered an ice-cream cone for her. She smiled a little, took the cone, and ran off.
He then collected his take out, and walked briskly out the door.
2 days later, while the little girl was sitting down to supper and tv with her folks, the news flashed the man's picture as one of FBI's most wanted. The girl pointed at the tv screen and proudly announced how sweet that man was for helping her up and getting her a cone.
The folks were shocked at that revelation and asked if that man had done anything to her, to which, she happily said no.
A month after, the news reported the arrest of the man, and how swiftly his death sentence was passed. But for that one good day at the fast food chain, the little girl met that one good soul.
For that, we may have done bad in our lives, but to some, we would have been one good soul. Somehow.
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I wanted to type "one thing I've come to realise", but then, I've realised many things, haven't I? But as it goes, I learnt that being abstinate about things actually adds on to the stress of resolving even our daily living.
With guns firmly stuck to the hands and fingers at the triggers, it's quicker to quit than to strike those deserving. It's as if you're born to fight, but lived to be forgotten.
So today it came as a big shock when an email came to me from a past associate, unintentionally, telling somebody else about a problem. Security and diligence aside, it was almost as if this had to somehow happen, and I somehow should know. I know I'm wrong, but deja vus aren't exactly an unintentional thing.
Perhaps I choose to ignore it for now - after all, what business do I have in all these? Above all, why should I care? But being human, I can't help stashing a secret thought about what it all meant.
Nonetheless, it's been a while since I've written anything decent, let alone intelligent. I do apologise for that. Having too much free time when you run a place just somehow don't quite fall into place. Besides, a breather should have no worries at the back of the head, and all these space that I have now just don't quite qualify as a work rebate.
Sometimes I do wonder about what it would really be like working at that gas station I used to frequent. All you think about is probably how much to fill and what time to wash. I guess, I should head for the beaches soon to stay sane.
I came up with that line, and I was like... BRAVO!
The beauty in the phrasing; the strength in its meaning; the admiration it describes; the gentleness of its yearning. Beautifully put ain't it?
Anyway, so today's been a really average day, almost like a lazy Sunday kinda thing. Spent a small part of the day getting updates from all over, and it's like, sorry to say this, somebody broke up, and I'm like, elated! OMG. I've sinned! But I'll say it anyway! Now You Know! Ha!
Okay. Now I feel like an ass.
Still. I think I managed to do some house keeping on the computer systems today, so at least I know everything still kinda works. And after all that cleaning up, the dry herbs store downstairs just got their fresh stocks, stank the whole place, and I was like...darn.
But I also think they are doing really well, cos the last time they had new stocks, it was barely a month ago. Oh man. I wish I can like buy a share in there~!
Well, to round up today, I think I'm hooked on my PS2 again! LOL.
I just don't understand. Which part of comments spamming is actually enjoyable?! You get to be the prick to comment the most even though they are all blank?! Or is clicking the "Add Comment" button feeling like exceptional penetration of the most erotic kind?! Or is it some attempt to break the Guiness records for the most empty comments posted?! Are you even thinking of having people read in between the lines - the top and bottom ones of the comment boxes?!
I swept my hair back today while cleaning out the studio toilet: then it suddenly struck me - what?
After all that cleaning, I just stoned out completely. Not moving an inch, covered myself in my jacket and just laid in the couch for 2 hours straight out, watching DVD.
It's been a really long time since mind-blanks hit me, and it made me queasy. I don't really know how to react to that so out of the blue. Perhaps inspirations flew out the window in a jiffy and were all washed down that drain whole.
And that glass of milk, decided between Asahi, tasted like cough medicine.
Now, sitting in a temperature of 20 degrees, it feels like I'm more numb than I actually imagined. I'm getting increasingly random here right now.
Somebody told me I was talented today. I beg to differ. Not because I'm humble or honest, but it's just a small fish in a big sea scenario whereby things get progressively unfanthomable. As if the light drizzle couldn't get any worse, a quick storm sweeps through leaving your hair drenched with a sour stench.
I smogged through the journey home, feeling crap when dinner wasn't timed in, and wasn't really done proper. I did a take-away and actually dirtied my hands unpacking it, consuming it, then gobbling it away unnecessarily.
Jaz just came back in town, and thought it a good idea probs to do lunch tomorrow. Thing is, I'm really numb. It ain't like me to not feel excited about a lunch date or a coffee break. Time, somehow just hanged. Like XP.
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I gunned my way through, now what? Level up or new weapon? Do it all over again?
This I got to tell you: I read in the gossip papers last night about a shy nurse who didn't attend to a patient regularly over some penile treatment, that he got it burnt till it was 1cm left as she was too shy to keep checking on the procedure.
Talk about being down on your luck.
Okay. This is one of the dumbest days in my life: I just went to the video games store, bought about a dozen new games for my PS2, and its like... I haven't started that machine since like 2 months ago?! And play count on it was like...once a month on the average?!
I think I'm just trying to make it seem that the machine's still useful in some ways I guess, and not some white elephant in the room.
Let's see. I'm Going To Tell You A Secret. Tomorrow.
Some things which I really liked around here are the slow pace of life and the quirkiness of that. Not that things are THAT slow, but I guess the mundane somehow make more sense than in any other parts of the city. It's like a little window of nostalgia and humour lurking in every angle that I turn, which, at times, can be really captivating:
Like the Vegetable stall that sells only 3 types of vegetables;
And an abandoned sandal at the entrance of a carpark.
Yeah, and all the cars that passed through somehow spotted it, and avoided it altogether.
Thomas buried his face in his rough and blackened hands, seated on an almost broken wooden chair sulking, just after tossing the last chopped piece of the dining table in the fireplace for what seemed like any likeness of Christmas.
