Yes yes, it would have been great to jot down all that little things I've seen for the last couple days, except that all that manic anxiety to finish up before the holidays are kinda getting touchy.
I've been seeing much, especially traffic situations that somehow brings upon a constant reminder to drive safe: on the way home earlier, one sporty modified Mit crashed into something else with its bonnet blowing wide open, flanked by several other vehicles that looked pretty much okay still; last night I pulled up beside a truck at the stop line, and 2 officers were desperately trying to get the driver to wind the windows down, or at least dismount from the vehicle, to no avail, with the driver looking seriously dreamer in his seat; can't remember the rest, but well, better not the details just a reminder.
The holiday mood is kinda killing me with sporadic bursts of excitement that serves more distraction than motivation over work and party.
Hope at least the work done today has been good to hold off more for tomorrow and New Year's day.
And I got: the incredible iPod Touch, a designer name design framed, an exquisite Jack Daniel's Zippo, a fabulous pair of Everlast briefs (!), a Thirsty Al Crumpler pouch, and I should have one or 2 more pressies on the way (fingers crossed). My own self-pressie: a colorful Benetton pull-over and 2 cheapo IPZ singlets! Could have been more awesome if only they didn't shut the Astro outlet for new stocks arrival. Oh well. Merry Christmas all!
It's tough when you get home in the wee hours of the morning and try stay focused over the blogs. If being drained is one thing, the private chill out time could have been put to better use.
But anyway, a friend of mom's asked if I tried modeling, as in being a model, and I was quite dumb struck at the question. For one, I was thinking "are you nuts?". And as soon as I put myself back together, it just became incredibly funny - model for a buff-you-up product ad? Or how about pleading for more aid for the hungry? How about modeling for the stay-drug-free ad? LOL
It's nice when you live in the heartlands and neighbors have a tunnel vision of the world around. Maybe when they step out into the city areas, I might be an instant relegation to the pits of the condemned (looks-wise). As far as I'm concerned, there are a few people who brutally mentioned I'm below the benchmark of AVERAGE. Yes, gasp. Then there are even fewer who thinks I'm cute, or even good-looking (of course, I concur, they certainly have stamps over their eyes). Only one thought I was "hot", and I recall fondly that the conversation totally freaked me out. Most would agree I won only by charms. Sadly.
The constant debate had always been, brains or brawns, rich or happy, charms or looks. Those who took the survey always end up a 50-50. Nobody wants to be hideous, down-right foul-mouthed, and definitely a pauper. Each has a theory about being this or that which would benefit them in the most direct way, and asking people who has the better things always end up with a big question mark over happiness.
I don't think there is a benchmark or indicator to say per se, but if we put the stats side by side, people are growing more affluent, beautiful, and tactful. That's the fact. Either get better or get phased out, and that's the cruel truth.
Whatever it is, beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. I also say.
Been a little of a stale mate today, although I'm still getting a little hung over on my Christmas pressie yesterday...! =)
You know, I've grown so big, and this is probably my most expensive present ever? I mean, I'm really happy to get this, though I thought it a little unnecessary, but honestly, it kinda brought a tear. Never really was well-off in the first place, and I certainly have no friends in given places, not to mention my own material strive never was strong. And to get a present like that made me feel, for once in my life, really appreciated to a very big extent.
Don't get me wrong, not that I'm asking for expensive gifts, it's just that (and it's really hard to put in words), semi-poverty has somewhat become a way of life. And to hold something this expensive makes me feel showy in a way. Yes, I certainly have worn the furs and tasted the golds by my own means, but I never ever received any presents or gifts that came to the hundreds.
Sure, laugh at me, for I'm not shy to be laughed upon (like it matters, for I'm so used to it) for being silly or something else. I'll save the back-story for my own relish.
It's always a different look in a different locale: some are just as blue as sapphire that blurs the vision, others, cool as ice. Yet, some others are botched with puffy clouds and the rest are just simply dull beyond description.
I guess being stationed in the city most of the time just made it difficult to gauge what kind of skies are out there. It's like, I envy those superfluous look in the pictures of travels that I've become so accustomed to drool over. I'm not complaining, but liabilities at this point just shot me consistently in the foot, leaving little room to maneuver beyond envy.
Perhaps being me had its perks before, but now, it's just a bundle of confusion. It's where next? I've been through so many adventures, and every one memorable, yet, they just seem so out of place now. I hate to admit, but growing up is even more painful when there are more things that wants to get done.
I need a change in pace maybe. It's screwing me over so much that being in step seemed off-sync from realism facinism. Oh get over it. There will be so many re-hashed words in this blog and throughout all the posts that you probably wouldn't even know why they are being used in the first place.
Something struck me lately though, that when you push hard enough ahead, the battle might still be lost. Not because there aren't any more motivational support, but the all-round drive is flawed from the very beginning. Money does seem to solve a lot of problems as the Age of Aquarius presses on, but somehow, it wasn't meant to be so in the first place. Something went wrong somewhere.
So says the wise men. Couple of days ago, and I procrastinated writing about this, I was standing in the open carpark waiting for some people, had a smoke, and near its end, exhale the smoke upwards for the first time the whole day, and a star fell right over me and fizzled behind a block of apartments. It was so bright it almost seemed like a light bulb crashing at length in front of me. It was frightening for a split second, for it wasn't what I had imagined to see in an almost eventful day. I kinda heard my heart pound hard.
But honestly, doesn't really matter. Good or bad, I've grown so used to being subjected to the elements and the ethereal that it doesn't make my hair stand like it used to. What's more, it's like those little freebies at the hypermart that were seemingly worthwhile, but turned out to be worse than worthless.
Hence, why fret when it has become a sign for the future, but a leap to nowhere? And eventually to find ourselves thrown into another situation just like the last one that led us to this?
I guess being stretched has come to its threshold - no use fighting the war when it was over a long time ago without fighting. Fighting is a dirty word, but why fight that too? I've noticed some used-to-bes straying further from the familiar to venture into the unknown, like how I used to. I've got this to say: sure, forget this old chap who held your head high in the highest esteemed gesture. But remember, to remove the support that played a part in the whole stage setting would have released the weights that held it up.
Leverage wouldn't be needed had there been more firm hold on humility.
Look who's talking yeah? LOL. I feel the heat more than you are sensing for sure. Someone once said I have the enormous ability to conjure guilt to its utmost utter peak, I say, if you aren't, why feel so?
Jean, I kinda gave up waiting for you to come back home. Still, if you have a spare room, I would love to move over for a while. I'm sick of being in Singapore paying my dues over past lies, deceit, masquerade and role-play. For once, it be nice to have everything off my back and just feel light. I'm a pretty good chef...
Just last night I saw a falling star. I was kinda not meant to see it - was having a cigarette on the film set and just, for the first time in the night standing in the carpark, tilted my head up slightly to exhale when it flashed North to South in an instant. It was like a bright spark that just fell from the sky. And the feeling sucked.
I'm not sure how much people believe in this mumbo jumbo, but sometimes you can't help but shake the feeling that something's gonna happen cos such occurrences are too rare to be considered everyday life? It's like an omen of sorts when it just flashed right in front of you.
So I stood kinda awestruck.
For a couple seconds I just froze... but well. That's that. The set went smooth today I reckon. Did I mention it's a pity when people can't be humble enough to pass on the job when they know they don't fit the bill?
Is wonderful! LOL. Like, back to the beach finally after gawd knows how long a hiatus! The sun was good, except that we felt a little like a lab plant put on the blinking lights when the clouds kept blocking it out periodically. Nonetheless, it was awesome, although a little burnt from the really strong sun.
Nice shadows on the sands... no? =)
Ok. I planned this shot, but somebody's framing was off, and claimed it was artistic...
So I took another to rectify the... orientation...
Time is moving towards conciliation of the finer type. All hatred harbored against shall slowly be dissolved into smiles. Bad vibes will now be replaced with a sense of motivation, and directions become ever so clear. That's for most of us.
Some will continue to be lost in their own worlds.
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Darn, the new sheets stink from some kind of detergent residue I think. It ain't gonna be easy going to sleep no matter how bleached they are: they are gonna itch real bad. But well, I need a bed tonight, and it'll be unthinkable to be using the floor right out.
If you haven't known, I'm a big fan of Simple Minds (not Simple Plan mind you, although their tunes are pretty okay). Anyway, they did this song in the later part of their careers, called "Let There Be Love". I would love to upload this if I remember. Coming back, on one of those talent-spotting reality shows, Gilby Clarke ever mentioned that Jim Kerr had one of the sexiest voices that is hard to replace.
I agree.
He's got such a maniac control over the husky tone to the point it makes your hair stand. I'm going to bed with this song's for sure. Nights cyberspace.
It was the most difficult session that I had in my life... I've met talents who go all out to get the job done and end completely drained; I've seen talents throw tantrums when they can't get it right; I've been through talents with nasty diva temperaments; and I've been through talents timid as mice and as nonsensical as Ben Affleck on dope. But today... it was a totally new experience...
First of all, this was kinda like a favor. I mean, I don't have a problem with favors, just that I hope the beneficiaries could at least respect my time and expertise a little. Second, I know feelings and vibes are important, but not to the extent of having oneself committed so whole-heartedly to the point where the job cannot move on. Thirdly, when emotions overcome, clear up, then resume.
So as the story goes, we started on time at 2pm. It was a relatively long script to record - 9 whole pages on Mandarin text that needed clarity and expressions - plus I only had time till 5pm, which translated to 3 hours to get this done.
From the start, I was already being briefed IN GREAT DETAIL about the emotions for the entire passage. And me being me, this was the first time I've ever seen emotions being explained in exact details on a script. Honest. And I'm not kidding. Even breathing techniques were jotted down proper. I'm truly impressed.
I goaded the talent, who happened to be directing the read for the film too, to move along with the recording. Picky or not, as least we were all picking out bad parts and getting it down no matter how slowly.
And whoever said honey water and all that sweet soothing beverages are good for recordings, it's all bullshit. Trust me on this one. Sweet liquid creates phlegm, and phlegm makes you cough. And when you cough, your voice gives way. Duh. Simple logic please.
Anyway, coming back, so we were moving along slowly, although I was really pushing the session along for fear that the talent who lose her voice after 2 hours of non-stop recording, and by the two and a half hour, her voice was giving way. I must have called for breaks so often to the point we weren't getting much done anymore. Worse, she kept chit chatting during the breaks and I was like... OMG. Treasure your voice!
By the last summary, we were so darn close to finishing with the last 2 pages. Then it happened. She broke down. It was supposed to be a moving piece about losing something. Yes, I totally agree we need the emotions, but not this way! And she broke down. I called for a break to let her recover for her mucus was already damaging her voice. Oh, did I mention, she wanted to stand from the beginning?
Still, after like ten minutes, she was still going strong with the emo thing. I waited for another five before going back in and asking her to try again. It went on for a few lines before she broke down again. So I called for another break.
This time, after ten minutes, I kind of gave up, and told her to rest while I edit the chunk from the front. She okayed, and I just worked.
By 6pm, I was already running late. I asked if she could continue, and we went back to the last bit again. Then, she broke down again. I was like... OMG... don't do this to me. So I explained, in great lengths, how that is not gonna help. She understood, but couldn't control.
That was when I told her to just read it plainly without any emotions, feelings, attachment, or thoughts in it: just straight read it through. But even that, she sniffed, coughed, teared along the way.
I have been through countless sessions with people who don't even take as much pride or make the extra effort to sound convincing, but this is seriously the first time I've ever met anyone who was so involved. Not that it was a bad thing, but restraint has to be pratised to some extent, especially when it comes to mood pieces. Going over would just simply be a little too dramatic for a very inattentive crowd of today. Although, I must admit, it was somewhat moving.
Well, what can I say? In retrospect, it wasn't a bad thing even though I was late for my meeting, but neither was it any healthier than just breezing through it. I wouldn't know. Perhaps there will come a time when all these can be of more use and sense.
We did this really fussy guest appearance for a song writing competition today to help hype the show up some, but little did we know we ran into... too many administrative changes to the point we became quite lost with the program itself. And the best part, we didn't quite understand how the whole structure of the competition was at the end of day, who was competing, who was performing, and... who everyone else was. But still, it was fun, ran into a few familiar faces, saw some familiar faces... yada yada blah blah.
I wasn't very attentive at the opening speech though, cos I was just trying to remember my lines. Kinda just wondered off...
Of course, I wasn't the only one...
And Euge actually broke his LCD display somehow! Bum Power!
This was actually before the opening speech... HONEST!
Good thing we hid at the back initially cos we didn't want to be
too outstanding cos of my purple... Got kinda too much unneeded
attention... you know what it's like...
Big crowd, long speech...
Then zZZzzZZzzZzz
I was paying attention k! =)
Almost lah...
Okay, none of us were really listening... sorry. So we tried to take
a group picture by holding the camera between the feet, but it slipped
just before the timer finished and the camera snapped...
And since we had time, there was plenty to keep trying till we got it! LOL
Oh well. That much for the speech. My Mickey shoes!
It was fun doing the set. I mean, for one, I couldn't stop laughing cos the show layout was all these mandarin songs first, then we come on after that. And when the last mandarin song was done, HALF the crowd left! It was like... lol. Amazing!
Still, when we came on, it was just (to me, seriously) hilarious to see the crowd totally zonked out in a state of music performance overdose! These guys probably couldn't hear what we were playing anymore? And the best part was, with all the performers going up and down in turn, playing mostly ballads accompanied by piano or guitar renditions, we were freaking LOUD! To the point an entire row of the audience had to cup their ears!
And I, sorry, just couldn't help but find that amusing... I mean, I feel bad those folks sitting up front had to put up with us, and we were not exactly playing our own ballads, but "Polar" a notch faster and louder, and "You & I" full throttle.
In any case, I kinda hushed the band in between "You & I" to make a little speech and eventually to end the song early. No point playing on since the crowd had to sit through the next 12 competition songs after us, and at our loudness, it would have been pure torture.
Well, congratulations to all the winners for the SongsIWrite.com songwriting competition, I'm sure you guys had as much fun as we did! Not!
As a nice end to this post, thought I'll put up the band neoprints for the fun of it! I was laughing the darn night doing them, so please don't say we didn't try!
"Have I got a long way to run". So says the lyrics. And so says I.
Was up in JB over the weekend for my cousin's wedding. Didn't manage any pictures primary cos I forgot to bring the camera, and I would have been too tired to take any, anyway. Still, it was fabulous to catch up with everyone, especially when all are grown up and looking good! Didn't know I had so many model-type faces in the family though...
The luncheon was kind of haphazard, especially when the master of ceremony was quite stage-unfriendly. I guess it would have just taken the zest out of the whole thing had he not been... spontaneously poor in his speech.
What got me on Sunday was probably what got me really depressed. We visited my 4th aunt at the center, and she wasn't looking very cheery. She can't talk, but teared loads when she saw mom and 2nd aunt. Apparently, a caregiver had done her rounds again, hitting her as punishment. The family was naturally infuriated, although, 4th aunt's temper wasn't exactly very desirable too.
I reckon it was once a while that we would see her, but every visit I made just didn't make it any better. Not that I am any use, but she needs constant supervision, medication, and care, certainly something beyond my capabilities. Nonetheless, although it felt sucky, I was glad I saw her.
Didn't bid goodbye, cos I would very much want to go back visit her more regularly. But being surrounded by mental patients of varying ages, it's tough to imagine how I would head back there on my own. She probably wouldn't recognise me.
Sadly.
Mom packed a big drumstick from the luncheon for her, and seeing her enjoying it out of a plastic bag, that's really heart-breaking. When grandma was still around, she at least had constant love. Now, it's turned into a festival-type occasion.
A festival-type occasion.
The cruelty of reality. Where the mundane meets total psycho.
I can't quite describe the scene, except, a 2-storey long-house, setting sun casting long shadow in black against blown amber, zipping flies, warm breeze, cloudless skies, a sickly medical stench in the air, distant traffic, groaning patients, silent visitors.
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I've been getting randomness over work of late. Not that I've been lazy or sub-standard, I've just been pushed around by fickle clients who cannot make up their minds over when or where to do their things. It's frustrating when things get moved around and I can't settle down to actual work, and even more so when they decide on some other prep work.
It is seriously diminishing my capabilities at even half my potential to produce anything substantial.
I'm so looking forward to more settled days. Jaded is a feeling that has very much overshadowed the brightness of the days, although the rain did help settle things down comparatively to previous nonsensical Monday-everyday. Still, it would be awesome to just take a day off and reflect on the past few weeks and months, and perhaps kick myself in the ass for failing, or patting my own back for trying.
Gone are the days where substance still has a place in material, and thoughts get fleeting for the better.
HAPPY 2008!
