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| DAY OFF |
| 06.27.08 (5:50 pm) [edit] |
I'm supposed to get this really fabulous day off today. I got the day, off, but doesn't seem too fabulous after getting several calls from clients.
Just gonna disregard everything for now. Till I get more proper weightage on the situation, I'm gonna zone stone. Have a beautiful weekend lovely people!
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| PLEASiNG |
| 06.25.08 (4:03 am) [edit] |
I had a rather weird dinner earlier on at TCC, where the waiters were really nice and was hoping that I would show a greater sense of taste over the food. Perhaps it was the insuppressable din within that enclosure that gave me a throbbing headache. All I wanted was some peace and quiet. Naturally, the food didn't go down very well, and I was starting to taste too much mushroom in the soup, or coconut in the gravy. It happens, but I wish it didn't happen tonight. Made me slower than lethargic.
I have no idea why this is happening, perhaps too much work, too little time to myself made me a mummy within a tomb cut-off from the external artifacts of life. Writing a new song didn't give me the thrill like it did before, and hearing it again and again just made it worse.
Maybe this is what they call, jaded. I hate the term, but it does seem more so as the days grind on. I know, I have subtle hints aplenty whenever something winds down or dives below, instead of the forward motion.
Somehow, I think I need a sense of achievements, and getting a new song done, beating a game at top speed, or even just finishing a piece of work heralds little challenges or rewards. What it creates now is a feeling of contrive.
Sorry if I've been complaining a lot lately, but it can't always be sunshine. Looking back at the archives, this blog has certainly been more regular than itself.
I think it's just the humidity.
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| SUDDENLY |
| 06.23.08 (3:03 am) [edit] |
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I suddenly found myself blank. Didn't know what to do, nor what to be looking forward to. Not when people are pissing me off with their pushiness too. I need to get out. Fast.
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| ELEVATED |
| 06.21.08 (12:30 am) [edit] |
Submission day. That's today. And that's all done.
Like a railroad worker wiping his brows in the setting sun.
Like the whale's last burst of breadth at the surface of the ocean before retiring for the day.
Relieved? Yes. Tired? Yes. Elated? Yes.
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| BLOWN FUSE |
| 06.19.08 (5:09 am) [edit] |
I was half laughing, half crying like a madman working at this hour. Come to think of it, haven't made a double post in matter of hours. Such rarity because of my persistence in hitting an impossible target.
And so here I am, stuck in a warp of work that eyes cannot even shut for a minute to rest. Milling away like some possessed freak in a non-stop action-packed movie, like a 1,324,547,091 Bruce Lee combo. I ain't lying when I said I was half laughing and crying, I just laughed out loud sporadically and can't stop tears from falling in my current predicament. Such distasteful wonder of living.
My eyes hurt so bad from the uncontrollable tearing I don't even know what pain is anymore.
I had major doses of caffeine in the blood, wasted almost a full pack of cigarettes in the last couple hours, PLUS, continuous ingestion of carbohydrates and massive hydration, just to keep the body energized and powered, like a battery forced to charge when it's barely used up, then charged again till the red light turns off.
Silently prayed for time to pass slower but I know at this rate, things aren't gonna improve. My vision is weak that I'm seeing halos from the corners of the eyes, left to right, and I'm somewhat hallucinating wild beasts and ghosts on the rampage outside the doors, behind me, all around me. But somehow, I know these must be done.
Hate being alone.
But neither do I wanna be flirting with time subconsciously.
Looked myself in the mirror just moments before I sat here blogging while waiting for files to transfer out and gosh... just realized I need a shave, a haircut, and a major surgery to look even normal rather than half-dead. Grieve.. I think jokes about late nights don't quite apply anymore.
I think... than again, I better not think and reserve the brain power for ep 7.
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| REAL MEAL |
| 06.19.08 (1:51 am) [edit] |
Tonight's the nuggets PLUS the cappuccino. Not just to keep me awake, but to warm the body in this fridge of an office. They mixed my nuggets with plain and spicy ones. How cool is that! Little joys of comfort.
I'm now juggling an overbearing amount of work for ONE ENTIRE AUDIO TEAM by myself, pushing space-age deadlines, with family health and travel issues, soothing anger issues with dear ones, comforting tired ones, responding promptly to prospectus, and I'm supposed to be at BCA 08 these few days, though it looks impossible now. I'm in need of a good sleep, I need to free my brains, and I certainly need a good massage. Okay, last part I've never had one professional one yet. Not looking forward to anyway.
I wonder how I do it sometimes.
Anyway, was quite flattered earlier on when I was heading back home via the subway, when this... AND I MEAN IT... ah beng hooligan cat whistled me. Not that he's gay or anything, it's one of those playful gestures to irritate the shit out of people. It's probably the black jacket I was wearing out the office cos it was really freezing my arse out that made him do it. But well, if I hadn't looked the slightest stylish or good, he wouldn't do it. So yeah, I'm flattered.
Either that, I'm the one looking gay. LOL
Oh, and stop asking what ORIENTATION I am. I hate people who despise or are biased against others of different lifestyles. To me, everyone is human, and everyone deserves a chance to live and die. How shallow can one be? Besides, I can probably hate you for a hundred reasons more even without trying, so please. Don't be childish.
Okay, back to work. Target: music for 3 eps by 6am.
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| MOViN' |
| 06.17.08 (4:18 am) [edit] |
I'm actually waiting for some files to get up the server, and while I idle here, it seems hopelessly late in the morning already. Lack of sleep, chest pains, need of a shower... the list just piles.
To make the heart stop a couple more times, my previous internet company sent me another bill despite me terminating the service. Queer part is, their operations seemed totally disjointed. And I just found out how much work is coming in... PLUS, I blew the company's account over the last 2 weeks on upgrades... I'm so close to fainting cyberspace...
And the files got rejected once earlier on. This is the second attempt already. Gosh, will all these rush ever cool off?
I totally need a break man. This so sucks.
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| TAKE A ViEW |
| 06.16.08 (4:16 am) [edit] |
The eMac was misbehaving quite a bit now, so in a fit of anger, I reinstalled the whole system to stabilise the usage. And now, it's purring like a kitten, although the CRT seems bent on busting really soon. Might move it into the room real soon to have it sleep with me proper. But then again, that would mean having to clean up the room to do just that... TALK ABOUT WORK.
And so, the first weekend without sissy around, and its already been really quiet. The folks went for a one-day tour somewhere up the Peninsula, with Dad coming home with a sprain. I couldn't stop laughing of course, no matter how agonising it might have been for him, but knowing they were there to enjoy and yet not being careful just tickled me much. Gave him a mild rub down the back with his trusted oil, and he seemed happy to just go sleep. Oh well, tried to bring him to the hospital but he refused. Will try again tomorrow.
Had a lengthy chat with Angel earlier too about her work - seems she's holding up well as compared to her seniors. Not that she's not aware of the gravity to the situation, but the seniors seemed to be at a stage where some changes are needed. Of course, I wouldn't dare say I can be any more motivating at this point, but if she straightens up, she's definitely gonna shockwave change out the current dire attitudes and wise everybody up.
I, on the other hand, have been having chest pains for the last few days again. It was the murmurs of an impending heart attack, although it has somewhat subsided. To think that of all thinks I might drop dead due to a bad heart, it's almost incredible to believe. Still, I'm taking necessary precautions to ease myself down from the tremendous pressure at work. After all, the last round was due to precisely that. So in between the breaks now, I'm playing games and catching naps. Good deal to excuse myself from back to back work.
As much as it's become a killjoy, the pains somewhat force me to slow down. Double-edged happiness I say.
It's quite apparent that a new syndicate is operating round the office area - male services are now available to anyone willing to pay, and the sweet chinese boys are really touting themselves to the max. This month features a bunch of clean-looking boys, as compared to the last batch of rugged, manly ones. Difference is, these group thinks me + Kenny are in the same trade. Each time we head down for a cigarette, the boys stare us down like we've invaded their territories, and promptly move to another nearby. Our kind of work clothes of casual and smart office wear do somehow make us seem like we are prostituting ourselves too! LOL.
But yeah, it's disgusting, yet not detestable. If they think that's the best way to earn a living, hey, who's to stop them? I'm just waiting to see what the next batch would be like ha~
Several people are starting to get on my nerves already. If they don't mean to pay a good buck, why press on with their projects squeezing every supplier out of their every ounce of work? Just last week I did a recording, and I sneakily asked how much they were paying the talents... HALF PRICE. OMG. I nearly fainted. Not to mention, I'm not even sure how much I'm getting paid for the job too. Then another dodo canceled a session to postpone it till this week. I was like... how could you do that half an hour before!? That is unethical and totally unprofessional - just so something came up? No respect. On both counts.
Just hope no one else drives me up the wall and gives me another heart attack literally.
It's been rather disturbing the last couple nights too. Been having semi-nightmares that, strangely I could direct like video games, but doesn't really have a plot behind them. The motivation certainly seemed weak, but disrupting my sleep is beginning to take a toll. Darn, panda eyes coming up.
Love yourself. Night cyberspace, nothing more to report.
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| GUSHERY |
| 06.14.08 (5:02 am) [edit] |
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Another heated week passed just like that, with a snap of the fingertips, in an instant of a flash. I can't quite complain how much more, but squeezing 13 episodics in a month plus... I'm flat. Apologies for the really slow activities around here, but well, at least this one isn't wasted.
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| TATA~ |
| 06.09.08 (5:59 pm) [edit] |
Sis left for Cambodia earlier this morning for her year-long welfare work at the local children's hospital. Oh, I'm so gonna miss her...
Morning breakfast at the airport!
Hot babes: Mom and sissy!
FamPower: Bro and sissy!
And you can't imagine the entourage sending her off... -_-"
Sissy & ME!!! Have a great trip yo! LOVESssSSsSSsSsSSS
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| ROLL OVER |
| 06.03.08 (5:46 am) [edit] |
In this lifetime, I've never been more cruelly treated than today.
A frog goes, "boing-o", a lion goes, "ah", a goldfish goes, "pru", a horse goes, "chi-kok-beh", and a rabbit goes, "hop"! Cute~!
Yes, I know how it rains, the moment you stood still and the clouds come gathering. A flash of lightning signals the avalanche or raindrops that would race to the ground like crashing meteors, only to splatter into tiny splinters of diamonds that implodes and strikes the poor flower straddled in the pavement groove.
And when you know you can no longer shun them, it pours in tub-fulls, making you lift your head to catch a glimpse of a clear patch in the grey sky where it might just be a pocket for rest. No matter how you yearn, it doesn't happens and you maneuver like a special operations officer on a mission to find the thickest action, where, in vain, there might be a chance the biggest salvo might be the first to calm. And again, all for naught.
Of all the years that I've been in myself, I've finally given way to one poor lesson learnt: I never learned. I forgot my position today, the one who has, through scraped fingertips and struggling footholds to get to where I am today. While everyone has grown to their rising in the peaks, and that I've passed mine, I forgot my position today.
One continuous line joined the nodes of thoughts after another, to conclude at the start of the line itself: Where I began, was where I ended, and where I end, would be where I begin. Self-denial has opened the door like a can of worms: alas, worms, are but I.
Like the old Jack on a spring, out came the surprise of learned lessons. No lessons learnt when you've learned everything.
I wonder how many people more read this blog. Either that, or the counter's stuck. Cyberspace, you're mean. And I concede this finality to you. Population boon at a rise, while the boom went bust. The book was flipped, but no words read: much like the old washing machine that tumbles, and couldn't dry. Rinsing the pain and cleansing the wound is like lunch by the beach and tea in the rose gardens. I forgot my position today.
(cursor blinks...)
I just read a story about ugly duckling. For being different, it became an outcast, although it is as much as the rest a swan. Greatness lies not what you dare say or do. Greatness lies where you embrace the non-believers and watch the skies together with opened eyes. The mallet that molds is eventually...
Fifteen years later, and I almost forgot how she looked like. Although the fragrance of her coffee lingers at the ends of my scent receptors, begging to breathe in one more time, the tenderness and sweetness of her stirring hands rousing the pot filled with powder and hot water. If only she could cover my eyes and lead me to the backyard, then remove them to reveal the great lalang fields that are no more, I, would be content and at ease. She never held me, I only touched her wrinkled hands like any other kids would have.
The warm scent would never leave, neither would that memory of the fields basking in golden showers of the afternoon sun slurred by the cool breeze that blows through the lalang in a sweep, and another, and another, till the pulps sent flying like the rise of wool in a fluid blanket that would meander through the beautiful earth.
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Watch:
What If?"Live"
Roses "Live"
Remember Me "Live"
Polar "Live"
Honk Ok Please
The Toyo Project
Wild Night Part 1
Wild Night Part 2
Wild Night Part 3
Trilogy Trailer
What About Us? MV
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