I'm getting really impatient with my clients for the last 2 weeks. This is not good. It's in fact getting quite out of hand. I seriously need to get away.
Imagine that! 4 years a blogging, and I garnered a simple hundred thousand visits for the last 2 - since tblog started counting. LOL. Pathetic.
I'm kinda wondering as I sit here waiting for things to finish - why ain't I holidaying? Sucks. So while I mill away at the demise of my incredible break, I shall thus zone out.
I must have been missing too many mornings, for when I popped down the studio today, I must have at least seen 5 babies in strollers, all snuggly tugged and happy. Like Denise puts it, its hard to be a grown up. But well, it's really nice to see people just taking it easy down at Chinatown on a Monday. Of which, mine was blown out of proportions with an endless string of calls from clients about their unrealistic datelines and fancies. What's new?
It's been a boring night though. Mulling over the script wasn't much help when work gets in the way. Not that getting away was bad, but time somehow could be better spent. Yeah, recharge, but what's the best bet when you can sleep better without backlogs?
Anyway, one of the projects I'm involved in requires a couple artiste, and one is simply being over the top. The phone call ended as quickly as he returned mine:
"Hey BLAHBLAH, thanks for calling back!"
"Yeah no sweat. Got your message, so what about?"
"Okay, the client's confirmed, but the recording dates have to be split, a day in X month, and another in Y month."
"(pauses)... Well... I don't know... I might be away in Y month. When is it exactly?"
"We can't firm it cos the scripts aren't ready, but I'll definitely keep you posted within the week. So you good?"
"(pauses again)... gee... how much are they paying?"
"X dollars, to be split into Y payments cos I don't see why you guys should wait for the whole thing to finish to get paid."
"Okay! That sounds good! When's the date again?"
"It's between X day and Y day... But..."
"(cuts me off) No problems, I'll definitely be around then!"
(exchanged some niceties and hung up)
Honestly, I'm not complaining. It's in fact quite nice to be forward about our wants. But casting a doubt before the details was kinda belittling. Nonetheless, it's one of those days you wish would never surface and be challenged again. Aah, it feels good to strike a deal quick.
Now that the major part of whatever needs to be done is FINALLY done, I mean, what greater joy can that be? Besides the gratification of actually plowing it through, PLUS the satisfaction of actually putting a smile on people's face (minus that prima donna who waltz in today expecting Hollywood for the price of the local public pool), it does seem somewhat surreal in such a way where freedom smells strangely familiar, attractive, and satiable, it isn't all that it seems.
Allow me to elaborate. You see, this particular project takes 2 parts, one that requires the attendance and attention of multiple parties, and the other, involving me putting on the finishing touches. Part one is done, and part two has some allowance over the time needed.
But like the previous post said, I can't find a destination I wanna be in to holiday. That means, I'm probably going to be stuck here, manning my work yet again, or just wasting time at home.
Its collateral damage.
I'm not willing to take on more projects as yet, but I also have no place to go. With the impending home renovations, that's another dampener to destroy what I worked my arse off for the last 8 months - a holiday.
Folks, I'm even contemplating just renting a local hotel and just rot in it. Or withdraw the holiday budget and blow it at the counter over top quality booze and cigars.
I just paid top dollars for 2 designer Ts this afternoon, by a local designer. One to wear, the other to commemorate knowing the designer. It, honestly, is a price tag not a lot of people would even CONSIDER.
Then, someone posed a question to me, "Why did you get it?" The question was not as simple as it sounded, it meant more like, "What's your motivation of buying them? Is there an artistic point of view?"
I pondered for a long while, and I couldn't find an answer. But I think I have it now: you see, the designer has a baby girl. It's a way to help with the milk powders. But primarily, I'm a struggling artiste, although this designer is somewhat established, he wouldn't be able to do it without the support, and the continued support.
Critically, I saw the passion he had, not to tease his audience, but to help free them from routines. Participation, as he puts it, which I totally agree that is something we all lacked these days.
And the most important point: I never owned any Designer. Honest. And my first piece I'm glad it's local.
Some of you probably think I'm some kind of soapy sucker. But gosh, you never know what it's like to be called stupid, ugly, or even uncreative. It really hurts when nobody has a good sense of knowing how badly they can irate those wounds.
It's hard when people don't give me a second look just because I'm born with these features and people call me ugly. Or that I don't win awards because I don't peddle my wares hard enough and people say I'm uncreative. Or that I don't earn top dollars just because of my qualifications and people label me a loser.
But I think I smile nice. And I write intimate songs for myself and loved ones. And I'm happy with Ts and jeans. Oh, and I'm ONLY a Diploma holder!
Although I cannot deny it's hard to put the emotions of being neither here nor there aside. I'm but human no?
I so wish to go back to school. Cos I'll surely be eligible for more jobs, and widen the net that someone will call me beautiful, and that some dimwitted friends will think I'm actually creative, even if they lie.
----------+----------
I'm almost done writing this album. One of my favorites so far. Serious. Now I just need to figure out where to perform one more time, to live up to my promise to so many friends whom supported my music, and demanded a 'live' experience.
It's about time yeah. That, like mom puts it, put this "fantasy" to rest.
Anyway, if you have a nice venue to put Nightsound on your grand halls, please contact me. Esplanade has shelved us, Timbre didn't even wanna get back to us, Zouk is far flung, not really a lot of places left is there? LOL. Um.. Yeah.
----------+----------
Sorry, been in this state of limbo since 2 weeks ago. Seemingly lost in this super-surreal state of mind where I can judge a bent road like an uphill street.
Do you think Einstein is clever?
None of you ever met him, so don't need to say he is cos we are told he is.
To the mathafarker who compared me with a 50+ year-old veteran of an ass today, grow up. It's time you move forward and on with the growing trends and technology. That 50+ ass was the guy who screwed up my work by doing things he thought was the best in the farking industry, and totally crashed my work. And I freaking bore the brunt. So to you mathafarker, shut your trap with your next comparison.
----------+----------
Because I love you, that's why I live. So says the fisherman by the lake. He took off his watch and an old leather bracelet, and gave the fish a hug. And because I love you, I will set you free, into the waters fresh as the scent of lavender, clear as the deep blue skies, and cool as my unlit cigar. I will love you, and therefore, I shall die letting you live.
As he stood before the lake, the sun set, and he turned to walk into the green fields behind. People gathered aimlessly, not a word not a sound. Spreading thin across the vast landscape like overgrown flowers in silhouettes. In his hands, he held a 4 leaf clover.
The few people around him held 4 leaf clovers. Then a little boy stopped before him.
He had no leaf with him, and he stared desperately at the one in the fisherman's hand. As the sun set quicker, shadows loomed before the tall hills, and darkness consumed everything.
The fisherman woke the next day in his old rickety shack by the lake. Time to go into town to peddle his catch the day before.
As he reached the market, a tiny buzz about a boy stricken with cancer at the local hospital has breathed his last. He was Mrs Fields joy, and lived just a couple miles down the dirt road from the fisherman's shack.
The boy was intelligent, and sweetness was the only thing about him. And as the local fishing folks rounded up the news, the fisherman left for home with a bag of groceries from the store.
A hearty dinner was all it took to put him to sleep.
Because I love you, that's why I live. So says the fisherman by the lake to the fish, as he let it go with a throw back into the lake. The sun was setting, and he turned towards the open fields behind.
People gathered sparsely across the landscape, like giant flower silhouettes in the setting sun. And Mrs Fields came up to him. She smiled brilliantly, and handed the fisherman a 4 leaf clover, then turned and looked into the distance. The fisherman, like everyone else, continued into the darkness, home.
News of Mrs Fields passing on with a tattered heart spread like wild fire at the fish market. The fisherman held up his hands and stared into it blankly. The day ended as quickly as he came, and he went home. The hot soup tonight made him sat at length by the back porch, watching the sun go down.
And because I love you, I shall die to let you live. So says the fisherman by the lake to the fish in his hands. Clasped loosely was a fish flapping and gasping helplessly. He threw the fish into the distance, and looked upon his hands. A fresh 4 leaf clover bedded comfortably in his wrinkled palms, glistening in the setting sun from the dew it had sweated.
The fisherman turned and made his way home, amongst all the people scattered throughout the landscape.
A young man came up to him, and clasped his hands together in a gesture of beg. The fisherman recognised the young man as Mrs Fields nephew, who lost both parents in the war and had since been raised by Mrs Fields. The young man was a quiet chap, hardworking, and never caused trouble, but why would he beg.
As the sun set, the fisherman, without hesitation, rested the 4 leaf clover in the young man's right hand, and made his way home.
Away for studies in the next town, the young man sped home upon the news of the death of his brother that his dear aunt was looking after. He never made it quick enough, and Mrs Fields passed on from a weak heart. Along the way, he crashed his car into a truck.
It was only after 2 days that the highway patrol discovered the accident, and pulled the young man from the wreckage. The truck driver was gone, but the young man miraculously survived.
When he woke in the hospital, the nurse brought him a letter. The fisherman had written to him in his final moments. Because my life is over, your life will start.
It sucks when all the resort destinations that I want to go to, which are within my means, are all snapped up. So now I'm stranded with nowhere to go, and a long holiday ahead. It's really dumb. The one I wanted most is like booked all the way till... SEPTEMBER 2009?!
That's as good as not having it in the first place?!?!
Of course, yours truly was hunting in the 5-stars region within Asia... Ambitious and definitely quite dumb... I'm no elitist, but at least I want to pamper myself once in a long while... or maybe this time round.
Got back to the office really late today, and the first thing I noticed was this HUGE, and I mean GIANT pile of poo right outside the window! The pigeons really had it this time man, must have been snitching food couple doors down at the Mala steamboat. Gosh, how did this bird survive man?! THE SiGN.
I've at least done the right thing today not getting out of my pants LOL.
It's funny, when you fuck around with life too much, inspirations are limitless, meaning, you actually get sufficient materials to redo the world, and undo unlimited. Meaning also, you can so fuck with life to the point it in itself becomes the future unintended and boundless.
So yeah, I did a good thing today. Sorry Ken, the pillow's sent! No more bedtime stories!
----------+----------
The power of positive thinking, so says the star guru for today. I don't buy it, I just need a real release. Tell me when I wake up, cos the song in everyone's head rings louder with each pound of pinch, and soon dwindles to infinite micro-negativity when a surprise comes along.
Can you believe it? There are proper grown ups who snitch stuff in your fridge? And secretly hides in a corner to feed?! OMG. That is really LC... low...
All I can do is pretend NOT to see... Geez, and this pretense is wearing thin... meaning, I might just actually shame these people openly accidentally... OMG... I'm so trying to control LOL.
So that pretty much rounds up Monday. I'm so looking forward to the end of week where I'll have nobody else coming up for the weekend till next Monday... Then everything would be across the internet! I can't bloody wait! Especially now that I've got snack snitchers! ROFL
Yeah, I walked into one of my usual casual stores cos they sent me an sms about a 1 for 1 offer. Walked in, picked 3 Ts, went to the counter, paid, came home, checked the message again, "Denims 1 for 1 till 31 August".
Either way, Lightbox's having a road show at Marina Square till tomorrow, and the guys are really battling the storm. Although there's that really interesting 2-tier promotional price which I still don't quite fully comprehend lol, despite HK + Claire trying their best to elaborate.
Short weekend, looking forward to the end of the week!
I was watching the parade on the tele, grand lights and fantastic fireworks. Quite memorable this one, especially with kids dressed in bird costumes lol.
The week closed quite fashionably with clients running off in all directions on a Friday night to their own appointments, while poor little me was left to clean up and have dinner in the studio alone. How pathetic. Nice of Ken to drop by though - his bottle of Gold label sucked big time, and getting himself tipsy like suede. Dumb Friday night, but I got to go home at least in peace.
Other than the gunshot of overpowering indecisiveness to my head, I think I got off a week quite safely. Looking forward to finishing the next one and call this project a closed. Then, perhaps then, I can finally head for a short holiday somewhere, before coming back to work on the album, possibly the film, and definitely several collaboratives.
2 more weeks, and I hope I can unwind a little from the insane work hours that I've been having. It seemed almost endless to the point the day starts as soon as it ends, and ends not ending after the new start. Vicious cycle of thought, but that's somewhat how it is at the moment.
To make it worse, I'm looking the fatigue that I am, plus, there don't seem no end to all the horrendous bull I'm getting from some people. Viscosity of the situation thickens.
Either way, 2 more weeks, and I'm looking forward to at least a block couple days' rest. Wish me luck cyberspace!
