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| WRiTTEN EVERYWHERE |
| 04.29.09 (4:08 am) [edit] |
So the low morale streak continues. Longest I've had so far for as long as I can remember, not to mention some people took advantage of the very fabric of a weakness to sabotage the volatility of the situation. Anyway, I thought this picture I tested with my phone camera looked interesting.
So far, people said I look like some jap girl wanna be, blondie auntie, and some other descriptives too bizarre to remember. Well, I'm just trying my share of keeping pictures of myself. Don't think I've sinned there. So give me a chance. I know I'm not drop dead gorgeous, but I strongly believe I ain't hideous. So please. It's my blog.
The phone call from the bank this afternoon also brought some surprisingly bad news. Disturbing in fact. No, I'm not in trouble, just considering options to work with. On the one hand, while the world grapples with the economic crisis, the policy makers made promises that under-delivered and made no improvements at all. To think the news seemed awesome, the facade and reality is far from being that.
My options aren't limited, but far more wider than the average white collar worker anywhere around the world. I'm just wondering why I ain't picking some and moving on. Maybe the comfort zone is really cushy.
Halo is still on my playlist for the third day running. Love it.
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| THE WHiTE TOWER |
| 04.27.09 (5:23 am) [edit] |
I'm a little confused with what I'm doing and what I've been trying to do. Seeing how others make their ideas work got me a little uptight about my own: what gives?
Okay, for once, I shan't describe the emotions at length. Instead, a little straight-forward story telling would be nice for a change yes?
Work got me endlessly out of hours for the last couple weeks, in fact months, and I hardly got a chance to watch tv or listen to the radio. Hearsay was my only source of news about anything new - trends, fashion, design, music - I guess that's laziness on my part to some extent, but having minimal rest really sucked.
So I finally tuned into the radio for the latest pop, Beyonce's Halo, Lady Gaga's Poker Face + Just Dance, Britney's string of hits dominated most of the air-time, plus a myriad of artistes who are struggling to edge out one another. Particularly Halo got my attention (sorry, I know I'm way behind time) for its melody and musical arrangement. I sat there the first time I finally laid hands on it and thought: Amazing. Why can't I do that?
The instrumentation was simple, and the lines were basics. But the creative power had it all together and held it as one really strong piece. Poker Face stared squared at me too, for its ground breaking use of synth and a whole bunch of loops. Again, I went wide-eyed. I thought Umbrella was it, and before that, Hung Up, and even before that, Irreplaceable. The music just grew beyond comprehension, just when I thought nothing new could come out of it, they reinvented it again and again.
I'm not trying to sell pop here, but the whole development got me really interested to see what comes next. Sexy Back broke the ice on loops completely even though it was years after Eminem's initial offerings.
Being a rock fan, I seem to hold a lot of respect for Divas I know. LOL. I got U2's No Line On The Horizon, and frankly, till date, I haven't heard it a second time. On the other hand, I got the little advertised The Cure's 4:13 Dream, and never got past the title track, Underneath the Stars.
All the songs I put on repeats were simply put, simple. You know what they were using, what they were playing, nothing there to hide, no fancy pyrotechnics in the sounds, they just made good music.
And that sank me quite badly cos I can't seem to dig out even a figment of musical imagination to put together a song right now. And in all earnesty, it's hard to swallow when you can't find the can opener to deal with the can of beans you're trying to open for lunch, and the clock just struck 5PM.
What made it worse was, I've been coming up with lyrical lines that don't match any music, nor can agree for consistency amongst themselves. It went from one subject matter to the next, fleeted all about, and never stayed in place.
So I finally gave up after trying for a week. I'm brain dead. Not that I've nothing to write. I don't know how to write them anymore.
Then came Electrico's new music video for Faces. It just blew me away. The visuals were pretty and the music was good definitely, but what got me was the interpretation of the song being put to visuals.
I seem to recall how Tetanus described the band's music as dark and cinematic, plus a couple bloggers betting their money on the visual-capable pieces. And as I look back, I've never really done anything visually sufficient for the music to lay to. Perhaps they needed majestic mountain-scapes or winter-scenes, but it's just hard to produce anything with hands bound by obligations and a dire need for hard cash. Then again, why am I doing this out of my own flesh?!
Point is, I irk at the thought of having been self-helped for the last ten years in pursing my music. Being able to round up very supportive talents had driven me on for so long, and its hard to drop my bags and park. But until Faces, I thought I was going to produce another 'masterpiece' so-called.
Now, I've given that up too. Not that I'm some jealous old-fashioned cheese fool, but I've come to realise, all these are for naught when it's not going commercial at all, and I'm just pouring and probably wasting resources, just for kicks.
Dumb. That's the only word I could think of.
I was excited and sad about the prospect of another show in July this year, and like all other years, self-produced, self-funded. With a lack of direction, new materials, and even internal communications within the band, I think I'm pretty much done here too. That one last catalyst that is moving me on is my final promise to do one last thing (sorry, secret for now). Perhaps the journey through all these events were pre-meditated by my own self-fulfilling prophecies. Josh was right, the only person who can stop me, is me.
Now that things are more settled in at home, I do feel the comforts of coming home to a bed (finally), and actually taking time to rest myself. I have no mirrors in here, cos looking at it makes me think about a lot more things (side-track: a typical chain of thought: zit-shit, gotta get rid of it-can't go out tomorrow-gonna be late for meeting-have to get home fast after meeting-cannot bring camera-no pictures of me please-hope it dun spread-no wonder it hurts there-...). Know what I mean? LOL.
I also don't have any clocks hung in the room. Having a clock is always taboo for me - I'll be early, and someone else will be late. If I'm gonna be late, the appointment will most likely be rescheduled somehow. Plus, I don't really want to watch my own time slip away. Not much left, what's there to count anymore. Disclaimer, I really don't know how much is left, so don't ask me.
Coming back, I love staying in my room for now, until I can find a clearer direction or motivation to do something else, sleep, games, and Youtube dominates.
I also regretted pledging my allegiance to some filmmakers who had a bad roll with me 2 weeks back. Till now, I have no news of what has happened, and not that it bothers me, but my regrets got to have some kind of explanation and update, a reason to be at least, rather than just pure plain emotion. Call it curiosity, but I'm Aquarian. I need my questions answered.
So now, I'm back on top the chart of iLike Challenge on Facebook amongst my peers, listening to all the good music non-stop, playing mindless puzzle and RPG games, lazing in bed, and totally uninterested in being interested in anything anymore. Geez, I actually sound like a teenager.
Oh cyberspace, spit me out of this wormhole. It's really making me sick. And fat.
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| FRAGMENTATiON |
| 04.22.09 (2:02 am) [edit] |
I found out today that me and Lars weren't alone after all. Having gone through similar circumstances, plus the fact that there are people who still thinks I'm guilty and they innocent, I actually discovered another friend under similar skies.
Elated in some sense, that I'm really not as lonely as I thought I was. But uncomfortable at the same time that such occurrences seemed... too often.
Anyway, seemed to be talking to some ignorant fool at the mo. Think I'm gonna hit the showers shortly. Nights cyberspace.
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| TOO MUCH TOO LiTTLE |
| 04.18.09 (4:45 am) [edit] |
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Neh Neh! Cherisse! I'm not gonna blog about that girl tonight! Neh Neh! Cos I already did last night! LOL NEH NEH NEH!!!
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| LiKE... SERiOUSLY? |
| 04.17.09 (4:34 am) [edit] |
I can be considered a professional in my field of work, and probably an tiny expert amongst my circle of friends. What I think about in my field of expertise, can probably be a highly recommended notion to others outside the field. But somehow, it didn't quite make the mark today.
It's a classic scenario of people taking help for granted, seemingly undermining my efforts, in exchange for their timely completion of their projects. I can understand the anxiety, but being totally oblivious to their choice of words ("I want..." instead of "Could you PLEASE") really puts me off sometimes.
To make matters worse, I'm the aid in their horrific adventure to stardom in their work. Now that I know I've poorly positioned myself as a stepping stone with scant disregard, I wonder about a couple things:
1. will I then turn into this doubtful monster of a soul who takes nothing at face value, and scrutinizes the real needies the next time?
2. do people really take advantage whenever they can, thus creating a vacuum in the sincerity country?
3. how can we all improve without hesitation, and offer a hand without returns?
Today's episodes involved 3 women who seriously need to rethink the way they live and work. I'm just shocked that one can take up a challenge without proper planning, another can show up to make decisions completely worn and tired and making no head ways, and one other who simply can't wait to get her stuff done by compromising on quality and time.
The third case I have to elaborate: see, she came to me for help. I offered, and wanted to improve the work some more which would need a day extra. She was unwilling because she wanted to finish up on Saturday. Now, this piece of work would require normally a week to two, and I'm trying my best to do it over 2 days, plus an extra day to polish it up. I'm already working overtime here, but the attitude was like... mind-boggling. When I wanted to help her shine more, she's more concerned about when she can finish?!
My primary concern has always been my product. There isn't a point to just do it, and I'd rather put some heart in it. Secondary to that, my name is tagged to it. By shrinking the timeline, I won't be able to sweeten the work.
Here comes the best part: after I explained that I was trying to improve the work for an extra day, she replied with a sheepish remark, and tried making a compromise FOR me if I insisted! It was like... this is your work hello?! And I seemed to be more concerned here?!
Anyway, I'm not gonna bug myself over this. I just don't want to start treating people who really need the assistance henceforth with a skeptical eye.
Wouldn't you guys agree that our younger generation has lost that loving touch?
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| MORNiNG |
| 04.13.09 (4:03 am) [edit] |
This is one of those mornings you wish you had a whole bunch of people to hang out with. Tried getting a few people out for a quick bite and was totally left to my own devices. Just makes me wonder if I should have made 52938701380 times more friends so that I can go anywhere anytime and find company! LOL.
Anyway, Fab, thanks for the company over mee goreng. Although I still think BKT would have been awesome.
I'm at a little lost with what I should really be doing in the coming days, except to keep exchanging mindsets and see what fits. At the moment, I really want to conquer that stupid RPG game that has been going on for the last 2 years. Besides that, I wish I'm back in the studio recording. It's about time the itch makes my head go swell.
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| MiSSiNG MARCH |
| 04.12.09 (4:53 am) [edit] |
LOL. I just realised I haven't uploaded a single picture for the last 2 months. Maybe I've been away from the blog for quite a bit, plus all that needless distractions at work that made time a little too stretched for nonsense like these.
Anyhow, I've finally took a picture of myself with my sis's new camera! Ha~ Yes! I got you one sissy! Happy Birthday yo! Too bad you gonna get it only next week. But well, better late than never!
New hair color and cut. Thanks to Stella of course. Someone asked me to post the MR letter here, but I thought it isn't too nice. Although I'm off for good, I think some decency with the humility be better. Which is why I still prefer to flash it across MSN with my webcam... LOL.
I'm a little out of ideas tonight. So while the head gathers more moss, I'll post more the next time. Night cyberspace.
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| SiDE COMMENTARY |
| 04.04.09 (2:38 am) [edit] |
Caught Serbis at Picture House last week, and I just got to put this down before I forget. It was a great story and all by the end, thoroughly enjoyed it had we not switched places.
See, we got in to the theatre after the lights went out, but commercials were still running. As we settled in, I was feeling awkward cos we were quite noisy with our bags and goodies, and was really afraid we would disturb the couple seated next to me, although we were the only 4 in that row.
Curtains widened, and the logos came on. That's when it started: the couple started talking. 5 minutes into the movie, they started discussing shot sizes (I kid you not), the colors, art directions, acting, and the poor sound (or so they thought). 10 minutes into the show I nearly turned around to hush them. And knowing my temperaments, it wouldn't come out right. So I whispered to Angel if we could move seats, and she whispered, "OK!"
4 rows forward we sat in real quick and thought we were finally rid of them. I leaned over and whispered to Angel that I was glad we moved before I got violent hitting them both or something. She chuckled softly, and said she too, could hear them although she was seated further away from them.
Then, as we continued with the film, we heard them! YES! We heard them from 4 rows forward! They were going "eek" and "hoho" all the way from the back! It was totally crazy man! I turned to look at Angel with a disbelieved look, and she looked back rolling her eyes. Gosh. I really wanted to throw my shoe at them.
Anyway, by the time it was over, judging from the looks on the very few in the crowd, most didn't quite enjoy it, although both of us did. Nearly moved us to tears too. Then that loud-chattering couple strolled by, oblivious to stares from all over, unashamed of their deeds, and promptly sashayed out the theatre still discussing the film. I was like... *slap forehead can?!
Another one of these and I think I'm really gonna stop going to public cinemas.
Which was why we chose Shaw at Balestier tonight. Quiet, loads of seats to choose from, plus we could bring food in. Nic Cage's Knowing is an interesting piece. Catch it if you can. Shan't do spoilers here.
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| SOMEHOW |
| 04.03.09 (5:21 am) [edit] |
I finally took a short break from work, after toiling for more than ten years on what I believed to be my survival kit to life, and actually watched Roy's eight 8 one. Not bad, moved me quite a bit on a subject matter that captured me since young. Story, music and visuals were rich, except for an audience like me that lacked the true audience colors.
Then I remembered ken's our last day. There seemed a bit lacking in one critical factor. But I think ken fared better.
Then I deduced. It only takes one percent more luck between success and failure. All I could do was watch in awe how the world continues to spin, while I'm stuck like a wedge between the edge of the door and the floor.
Perhaps it sounds a little like self-reproach or a simple lament. But even the lock sometimes need the right key to open it up.
Song of the night, k's reflections. Something written in such sweet words, yet beyond the pain that carries it in a swift action of the sweeping wind of forgottence.
cn is right. I've done much, but the second half belonged to me - yet achieved too little. While the faeries twirl their shining wands in circles of time, I spin endlessly lost in a world now I not know.
Perhaps someone said this to me before, or maybe not. Futile.
Somehow, these things made me realise one simple theory: benevolence sits by the window watching the world go by, as I walk by in uber silence. I'm neither here nor there. Not where they wanted me, nor where I wanted me be. The bullet can be removed, and the gunshot wound can heal. But, who's to say the day will shine or the rain will start?
Curtain calls.
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| THE BEGiNNiNG OF THE END |
| 04.02.09 (5:07 am) [edit] |
Yes, surely we had fun. At the very least, it did seem all worthwhile and good while it lasted, unlike mundane chemistry lessons that taught me not to throw acid on my pens, or physics lessons that taught me not to stand under the durian tree.
Suddenly with renewed vigor, its getting quite exciting to go into this whole "vote-for-us" campaign. Make us stay or boot us out. Nothing like a precious answer to tell us what to do. Seems fair enough to do it right this time.
To think we all came to the end of the road like leeches on a dream.
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Watch:
What If?"Live"
Roses "Live"
Remember Me "Live"
Polar "Live"
Honk Ok Please
The Toyo Project
Wild Night Part 1
Wild Night Part 2
Wild Night Part 3
Trilogy Trailer
What About Us? MV
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