Wouldn't usually do this - not that I'm some sage or famed writer - but just for the records, here's a semi-detailed flashback.
[LINE]
I'll always remember what Kevin said on "Wild Night" upon hearing 'Broken Wings - Night Mix' on the Radio: "A couple of friends called to say my song's on radio, and I went 'I know I know! I'm trying to listen to it now!'"
Perhaps, and to a large extent, I related to that.
It all began with itchy fingers clicking away on the mouse - I was in a lull after leaving one of my ex-companies, and had absolutely no jobs or commitments to think about. I decided to just do something about my own interests, and threw myself into Nightsound's array of projects and plans.
I remember clicking along some local band sites and finally connecting to this 'Jealousy Studios' site - cliche at first, but I thought, what the heck - there's got to be a reason. In it, mizeryFree was so faintly and barely mentioned, a whole lot of useless links till I got to this downloads sample page - that's when I heard 2 songs, 'Fade Away', and 'Broken Wings'.
That very next day I had the songs downloaded and practically shoved down everyone in the team. "Nice" was the general comment at first, but I took it quite seriously. I sent an email out to the band, and Steve replied a couple of days later, with much sceptism of course. A producer writing out of the blue to help the band? I thought it was crazy too.
Weeks after, we finally met up at some off-corner coffeeshop - I didn't quite understand myself at first; perhaps it was the anxiety to start a project, or it could be due to my affections over the songs. I sold the idea of getting their EP done, head-on. The band were somewhat blown over by that enthusiam. Angel and Joshua were practically prepared to admit me into some mental instituition. But the stage was therefore set to something really impossible.
To begin with, MF was practically unknown, and the music were too self-indulgent for the masses. I would like to believe they had the potential, but looking at them - a dis-jointed group of musical misfits (somewhat) getting together to be in a band - was quite an impossible task. Eric was a keyboardist half-trapped in Beethoven and Glay, and Arthur? Gawd - he was practically studying the bass frets hoping to catch the next magical sequence on it; Steve was this moto-head with very little clue about his own existance; Kevin the depressing shell of a young man. And Jiehui - I mean, I never knew zombies existed in real life.
Okay, perhaps I over-reacted or exaggerated the characters, but hey, I was excited at the prospects of getting these guys to do their EP.
Actual work began only months after countless meetings with the band. They were understandably suspicious, and work on the EP simply dragged. The skills had to be polished, the songs had to be arranged, and the band's morale - darn, it was rock bottom like WWII's live-firing zone. I had to come up with something real quick to whip the band into work-mode, and I finally arranged 'Broken Wings' into this somewhat NewAge piece.
I recalled the reaction from Kevin - he sat and listened and went numb. Yes, so numb as if he was frozen by Medusa. And that's when the excitement really set in.
We subsequently arranged for a really convenient off-peak hour to have him record the vocals at AMX. He did, not to perfection, but decently enough for my submission to the station. At that time I was featured on Passion, and the station guys were really keen to have a listen to 'Broken Wings - Night Mix'. In between, the guys started getting their acts together by signing up for gigs. A couple came and went.
Some time in 2003 I think, they had a little performance down at Serangoon, playing to a mixed crowd of residents and music fans. We were there full force to render support. Oh, I recalled, they finished a set at the Library@Esplanade before this one, and were really hyped about the show here (the gig at the Library was an acoutic set that very much presented the band in a new light - it was excellent if not for the poor live sound control).
Coming back, they played and I thought it was just, simply well-done. Watching the guys grow from strength to strength was just - amazing. And that night, honestly, they showed a maturity I had never seen before in the band and after a string of dumb gigs. Dumb because the other shows had no crowd, had no acoustics, and had practically no support. Still, they started showing confidence within that one gig, which was lacking for too long in the band.
As they finished, I vividly remember applauding and cheering. Kevin strut off the stage like a victor, and mingled with his friends before coming over. I was really happy for them, and Kevin, for he had searched for himself way too long. As he came over, I had to just thrash him. I could not let him get off that easy.
It's difficult to explain in the greatest detail, but gaining confidence was a difficult balance of being sure and being too sure. I could not bear to watch a band of this potential go "too-sure" and crash. And perhaps for the fact that the band grew close (to me), my words were also way too weighty.
I told Kevin straight on - play to the crowd, not to the band itself. Enjoy, but don't indulge. In a split-second, I felt those words knife through him like it did, me.
Then Steve came over. Kevin asked why, and I said they were a little too complacent. Then Eric came over, and Steve asked why they were too complacent, and I offered that they were too sure the crowd would love them. Then Eric looked blank and Steve asked, "Really?" I nodded, and Arthur and Jiehui came over. And I went on explaining the basics of humilty till it hurt.
I remember Arthur commotioning my speech that night as a sledge-hammer in the face. I knew it would be. But one good gig and plenty of applause before this one, plus a strong crowd of fans to watch them was just too much temptation to be pompous and proud. I had to do what I did - strip them naked and parade them shameful. What I did was controversial for sure. But in my shoes, where can I stand? Where should I stand?
[LINE]
Before long, I set up a special session to "test"-record the band at the attic of Fly-E, plus a photoshoot by Joshua. The drums were pre-recorded at Myx and brought down to get the rest of the recordings done. It was not exactly a failure, but the acoustics weren't right - there were just too many things that went on. It was just a good bonding for the band, especially after having to pick up the pieces from my harshness before this.
Home was set up shortly after, and MF got into this little competition where I was one of the panel of judges. They shone, with humility, and practically won the crowds over. At this time, a lot of changes went on for the band - the guys were toughened by their string of shows and their skilles had been improving by leaps through long hours at the jam studios.
And the EP recording finally began.
Throughout the sessions, the guys were (LOL) afraid of my presence. They'll screw up real bad whenever I hung around, even though Joshua was the recording engineer. They became so merticulous about their work, so much so that an ant wouldn't be missed crawling through their scores. Not to say that I was mean or scary or non-condusive, but the guys wanted more than what we would have simply settled for - an EP. They wanted an album to call their own in every way.
At this juncture, I was struggling to convince the Team to press on with the production, and to persuade Home to give me the greenlight to carry on with the album. The Team started to break during this time, as we had different opinions over the production and marketing itself; the directors were getting impatient and restless with my time spent on it. The worst bit: I was suffering from Chronic Bronchitis that greatly affected my health and concentration.
Then the day came - the recording of the final song, "Broken Wings (Fallen Angel)". The band agreed on a stripped down piano and vocals version, but after countless takes, they were still getting nowhere. I finally took over - 2 takes into my session with them, I could not hold it anymore - the guys weren't playing, they were reciting.
I stopped them promptly and had them listen to a whole passage of theories about playing their music. They seemed to understand, but I had to make sure. I sent the guys in for the last take and ushered one last advice, "Play it for the moment. This moment."
And that was the take, grinding both Eric and Kevin into crying babies. But hey, we had the take!
The mixing process for the music was excruciating - Home almost pulled the plug, the Team broke, and my mom fell really sick. My reservations were stretched beyond my own comprehension and to the extent even Angel could not help difuse. I was in so much mental torture and pain, my health deteoriated quickly, and life became disorganised beyond measure. But all these while, my brave front deceived all, including my family, to believing I was okay even though I felt so much to stop.
But I could not understand why "Listen" had to be finished, alongside "Nicotine Induced" by Mistaken Identity. And I finally remembered - nobody gave me that shot, but these guys can have one if I bothered. It became clear, and I just pressed on.
Now, do not take me as some pompous proud bastard trying too hard to make myself saint - I learnt so much from these guys; if I was not given, it doesn't mean I can't give, and if the guys were not given, they'll end up just like me. Under-achieved.
[LINE]
I saw them moments ago at Bar None (I actually stopped typing for a while to try find the right words). They were stellar.
All I know is, their hard work were not in vain, stars in their own rights, creators of magic, and proof of impossibilities. That was mizeryFree I saw "live", on-stage, at Bar None, playing to a filled room moments ago.
When they played 'Perceptions', I clearly remember not agreeing to giving the band my files of the added arrangements that I did for the album version - Kevin and Eric wanted to try have it played in accompaniment for their gigs, but I subtly refused; I just wanted them to count on themselves.
And I remembered Jiehui telling me once, that I was an inspiration. And Steve telling me once that he appreciated me and what I did for the band, and Arthur thanking me once for guiding him and the band, and Eric commenting once that MF lived because of my support, and Kevin saying to me once, that I had to audition for the lead vocals if I wanted to join the band when he leaves for Australia. Damn.
And it nearly moved me to tears when I heard them play the song earlier on. As much as I have tried to help in whatever ways I can, they have shown me much more than they ever know. I treasured their work, friendship, and trust.
But to know that this was their last gig for a while, it really ached.
[LINE]
Classic moments were many. I value many things in life, and one thing is music, and its creation. MF poured much heart, soul and sweat in the making of the band and its music, and to know that they are still humbled by themselves speaks volumes of a humble start to a glorious finish. Yes, it is true they are on a break for now, but praises and hopes aside, the true future is yet written, and I hope I live long enough to see it happen.
[LINE]
mizeryFree. You rock. :wink:
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