Alrighty cyberspace~! Welcome to another edition of "I" by reqx! Isn't it interesting how easy it is to click on some blog, run through it, agree, disagree, or dismiss, then leave a message, run through other posts or just simple click on something else, even close the window?
We've sure come a long way, cyberspacemen!
And all of us are stars: put something provocative for the mind, the senses, or simply, something funny, and you get referals. Send them out to the web crawlers and bingo, you've got a following.
Aren't we all happy to be here?
[LINE]
I have, perhaps, entered one of the most interesting conversations tonight. There's been some discoveries, or rather, revelations, but most accurately, insights, into the world around me.
Homeless people are something quite non-existent in this very cosmopolitan place, but I was at the local convenience store earlier when I walked right past an old man sleeping at the platform to another storefront.
Poverty is in some way, minimal here. During supper, a man in a pressed shirt and tie came round the tables selling tissue paper. I refused politely, and the gentleman said in a stern voice, "Young man!" I turned round, controlling my patience, and refused politely again.
[LINE]
If I could be a stranger in a bus
Alone in this world
Unknown to everyone
It could have been
Any other way
If I really am
Would you walk with me?
And talk to me?
And laugh with me?
Surely I am someone, don't take it away from me
Give me my time, I know I'm awake
Be with me
Hold on to my hands
Surely I am someone, don't take it away from me
Be kind
I know I'm awake
Surely I am someone
[LINE]
I've been extremely disappointed with myself of late. To know that I have in many ways, underachieved, and unable to even survive makes me salivate at all other beings, including the pets in the house.
Perhaps I've been wrong about myself: actually, I'm wrong about myself in many ways too. I'm not as intelligent and clever as I thought I was. In fact, I've felt stupid and dumb about me as recent events unfold.
Its never too good to think too highly of oneself eh.
[LINE]
And what if things have changed?
Would we stay together or go our seperate ways?
And what if I did change?
Will you stay forever?
Will life be any better?
Or will that make you happy?
I've so much to say, but now is not the time
As much as you'll listen, it will never be as opened
Oh, it will never be the same
And what if she's not mother?
And what if he's not son?
And what if there's a reason not to turn around and run?
What if there's another?
What if lives can change?
Will we be together though we hate it this way
And what if I'm no longer?
What if I can't talk?
And what if I can't see or feel a reason to fear?
What if there's another?
Just what if I can change?
Will you stay forever, forever this way
[LINE]
I love to imagine. It's like a form of escape, to be where I want to be or be someone I never thought I might be. It's about fantasising a being. To pretend, maybe, but definitely a form of get-away from reality when it gets a little too intense.
I've ever imagined myself as a can-picker, ya noe, one of those old ragged folks who goes round looking into bins looking for used soft drink cans. And I wondered where I would go to go find cans, the places I would be roaming, how people looked at me. And then, I become real all of a sudden: I am a can-picker! I go round picking up stuff that people throw away, like confidence, love, encouragement, and use them to fix things. Then I pick up vibes like trends and emotions to illustrate points; and not to forget, I pick up hatred, jealousy, and misery to alleviate those suffering from them.
Cool! I'm a can-picker!
[LINE]
You push it higher up
You push it deeper in
You take it into pieces with a reason in-between
You wanna break apart
You wanna rip before
You're waiting in the shadow of what used to be before
And I feel
And what you ask, is what you'll get
You've got yourself, you don't need rest
And who's to stop? And who's your friend?
You're in the mood
Yeah
You're in the mood!
[LINE]
Mom, I've lost faith. I'm sorry, but it seems so hard to move on. Now that I'm faced with the possibility of elimination by my own self, it feels so hopeless, I feel so hurt. I feel greived, yet, everyday, I pretend I'm doing fine. I'm not fine.
I remember sitting at McDonalds once, and there was this dude in a clean long sleeve white shirt sitting in a corner. He was staring outside, with a coffee that has cooled for a long time. I looked at him quite curiously, till someone at my table said that he was weird. Then I recall a little story about people retrenched with many mouths to feed.
And he looked llike one such person. They would stay out because they were retrenched to pretend they had work. Not that they are bumming - they'd attend interviews till the next job's found. But in the meantime, they'd pretend everything's okay.
I'm one of them now.
[LINE]
Love.
You should be happy.
To stay
Again.
True.
I should be worried
The stains,
Are a proof of your life
There is sadness in your eyes
Too many reasons why
Before we lose our time.
Tonight.
To lose all your senses.
To say,
Again.
Wish.
A silence too loud.
The frame, you've put in yourself.
There's a sadness in your eyes.
Too many reasons why.
And none that you can find...
To fly.
[LINE]
I'm terrified of people lately. I can't seem to integrate anymore. I'm very afraid someone will pull another fast one on me, and it'll be over for me all over again.
I'm scared, gosh. I am.
If there's something I can do about it, that's to regain some trueness in this very very, fake is not a good word, but unreliable world. Everyone seemed to want something for something giving something. Does kindness not exist anymore?
[LINE]
Take your time to breathe from inside
Mama will soon be by your side
It's not easy
It's not easy.
There's no rush to open your eyes
Dry your tears in the loveless night
It ain't easy
It ain't easy
Fly like an angel
Looking for a saviour
Free.
Breathe a little longer
Would you please?
You're not one or the other
You're an angel free
Waiting for an answer, it's never been easy
Wait a while, would you mind
Paint a picture of a broken picture
It ain't easy
[LINE]
Trust is a forgotten word, but very familiar one. After being said about so much, I do not see a reason to trust anyone anymore. The only 5 I know I can count on at the moment...5.
I'm sorry, but I know at the end of the ride, I'll have only 3. I'm sorry but it's gonna be as such. My use is only so much, or rather, my usefulness is only that much. After that, I have only 3 to count on - how can I trust when I have been so, (blank for a descriptive), betrayed.
[LINE]
When we were together, we never need to cry
Although we ever
And it seems to be over, we could never say why
The morning after
And time, has come, to say goodbye
I'm missing you
To be where we were
Apart.
It's gonna be alright. But it's not alright. It really is not. I mean, it's not right. Why do I have to live as such?
[LINE]
I feel like signing off, but somehow, I stuck myself at the keyboard - just typing relentlessly to release an inert fabrication of frustration.
I think I'm just about done.
Remember Cast Away where Tom Hanks returns to civilisation. It's gonna be a re-integration process whereby... yeah. Re-integration.
[LINE]
I'd like to live for tomorrow, like I'd die for today
Style is what I know, Savvy's all I can say
Savage of the morning, savage right for our day
Cool
Cool I am
Just let out your eyes
Shut out your lies
Tonight
Reach for the skies
Hope you are satisfied.
Yes. The chessmaster mis-cues. He moves above his own good intents and runs into a check-mate. I gave my own game away because I did too much to justify that intent.
Hope you are satisfied.
[LINE]
Dear readers, what a mash of text tonight isn't it? Extracted from various books of thoughts and pennings that seem so incoherent. But wait! There's more coming up!
[LINE]
Further and further away
Harder and harder to stay
Maybe there'll be a day when we no longer hate
That will be the day,
Leaving behind what's not to be said.
Longer and longer days
Maybe we'll find a way
Writing words in your head
In the winds of May
These are the days
Trying to remember what you've tried to forget.
[LINE]
My eyes are somewhat closing. But there's got to be some kind of, closure to this post isn't it. Strange thing is - I don't feel like I'm done.
For many many previous posts, I think I've missed out a lot of personal and private details. Things which I would not at any price, disclose in this very space. But somehow, tonight, it just seemed so appropriate to highlight points that I do not see as threats anymore.
I've always mentioned that I've nothing to lose and everything to gain. Aah. Good advice dispensed in the face of adversity and grief. But I never did really suffer, and I never did really grieved. Fact is, I've only dispensed, never once meant it on my own self - in somewhat appropriate fashion. I've tried helped many people come around on their critical turning points, and they've seemed to moved on much better than myself.
But fact is, who am I lying to?
[LINE]
Did you wish for anything?
That wouldn't be as trapping?
Or deceived?
Or impairing?
Even as haunting?
Like a dreaming
Feeling wish you were dreaming, with me.
[LINE]
So ladies and gents, let's just say these are all posted under the heavy influence of emotions and alcohol, would you still read into it and learn from it? Even try to understand it further? Make it make sense? Or simply wave it off like another reqx post?
Cyberspacemen, remember, we exist for a reason, even though, like yourself, I do not know the meaning of my existence. But one thing's for sure, you're gonna take this post as another soapy dramatic piece of self-indulgence.
Allow me to proclaim this: you are no different a weakling like I am. You are no different a goal-getter like I am. And you are no different an ass of a nuthead, just like I am.
I'm tired of typing. And I am mentally exhuasted from all these thinking for the blog. I am gonna spend my time wisely from now on. And I'm gonna cut myself off from you. This is my last entry, until such time that I have something happy to report, dear cyberspacemen, adieu!
For this, I'll leave you with one last final song lyric I wrote, and you can download the various version from the site, http://www.nightalive.com, which I saved for months to acquire a neat little server to host all the MP3 files, that no one really bothers, and no one really gives a damn. I'm finally tearing down the site after the meeting later to determine if the final part of the Trilogy will be made.
I have a hunch, it's not gonna pull through. Glee to those who laughed at my stupidity, and rejoice to those who think I'm crap. And congrats for crushing this poor soul who has been a pillar of strength and a source of inspiration for a worthy few!
Yes! The game's reaching a final score. You're won, fellow cyberspacemen! You are reaching the highest possible score of the creator of this incredibly annonying blog! Tell me you want more! And the expansion pack might just be made! Leave your faithful nonsensical messages and rejoice! And pray that I would read them eventually! And consider doing the expansion to even more stupidity and farce!
Party it is, party it shall be!
I used to love you, fellow cyberspacemen. Not anymore!
[LINE]
I felt my heartbeat in my tight fists. It pulses like a machinery of anxiety. To know that you don't care makes me feel good. Because, I cared too much about what you think about all these posts. And yes, cyberspacemen, your turn will come when you'll shut and regret you ever were mean to "I" by reqx.
[LINE]
The following song is the last one recorded at Home Studio. It is also the last final song to be recorded under the group Nightsound. It is also the last song I wrote, working ever so closely with my ex-pal Joshua Chia. It is also the last song that I've penned that everyone, and anyone I know or who has heard it, said it was a nice song. It's also the only song I've written to complete a song. And this song, is also the fastest song I've ever written, composed, and recorded. This song is called "Heart".
And I hope, if you love this song, send me a message, send me a heart, send me some money, send me a greeting, send me an appreciation, send me anything other than stupid comments and insults cos I've received tons since day one of my life. Send me something nice, please, if not, don't send anything at all, don't listen to the song which sounds so stupid and dumb and fucked to you. Don't even bother. I'll really appreciate that. Many, many, many loves and thanks for not being mean to me for once.
HEART
written, composed & arranged by REQ
performed by NIGHTSOUND
WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO STAYING UP AT 4 O'CLOCK?
FORGET ALL THAT'S ALL BEHIND
TO THINK ABOUT THE TIME WE SIT, AND CRIED
BUT I TALK TO MYSELF
NO WORDS NOT A SOUND
THERE'S EVIL AROUND
HAUNTING ME
BUT I TALK TO MYSELF
MY HEART'S BEATING LOUD
AND LOUDER, LOUDER, LOUDER
WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO CALLING ME AT 4 O'CLOCK
AND TALK TILL THE DAY IS ALIVE
ABOUT THE THINGS THAT MADE US SIT AND CRIED
WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU AND I?
AT 4 O'CLOCK
ARE WE MISSING A BEAT IN TIME?
TO HAVE ALL MY HEART, AS WE SIT AND CRY
BUT I TALK TO MYSELF
NO WORDS NOT A SOUND
THERE'S EVIL AROUND, HAUNTING ME
BUT I COMFORT MYSELF
MY HEART BEATING LOUD
LIKE THE WORLD FALLING DOWN
IMPRISONS ME
OH
BUT I TALK TO MYSELF
Download the songs and versions from http://www.nightalive.com
[LINE]
Good day, cyberspacemen! Good night! :wink:
need a nugget?
|
