Gonna start tonight's entry with beer - Cheers~! It's been raining for days on end now, and the island trip's been put off yet again. Might as well take this time to slow down, warm up and snuggle in bed and pretend its Christmas all over.
:wink: I like that.
I kinda started the day a little disoriented, not knowing what day what time and who's around. It's been a while since I let myself go, into a state of space. Nothing much really happened, just that it felt a little rosier than other days when things don't look up.
Inch & gang, loved your pressie. Thank you. Your love is my love.
I just got off some TV and a shower actually, and honestly, with a beer and the acoutic Heart playing, it does feel a little like Christmas in a studio apartment all by yourself, not sad, but nostalgic.
So Judging Amy was playing earlier on, and it got me thinking in the showers about many things that I thought I might have given a miss. Strangely, it just don't feel like that anymore - I'd live it over again to just, live.
Guess I don't really have the patience and guts to spill too much about memories for now. But, I do have some messages to send out. And don't feel too bad if you weren't on the list - I've been a rambling fool all along. Find them later in the entry if you would.
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A couple of people once said that I'll make it one day. They said I had the attitude. Perhaps they were right. I do have the attitude, plus the nasties along too. And then there were a couple more who said I was a good friend. They said I was sincere. Maybe that's true too, though I can be quite unsound sometimes.
I was stopped at a checkpoint once and had to get out and have my ID checked. The officer was polite, though had that air of suspicion nonetheless. I had with me a couple of younger friends whom, gladly we're still in touch, and basically just passed the check quite swiftly. In the midst, we (with the officer) chatted a little about what I did (was still with my ex-company then) and he was kinda interested. I can imagine though, on one hand, he was on duty and must have been quite routine, yet my field does raise a couple of eyebrows. Still, the chat softened the atmosphere, and going home felt a little better.
When I was 7 I think, I used to loved this Laksa Mee down the block. It wasn't like a must-try, but I had a spicy-tooth to content with. On one occassion, my sis had to accompany me to buy a pack, which I quite recklessly dropped and spilled on the way home. I stood there and cried, thinking how mom's gonna punish me for being stupid, and how I'm gonna go hungry. Sis held my hand and looked me right in the eye, and said it's ok, and that there's no need to cry. She flashed a smile and said she'll get another. I was so ashamed because everyone's looking and I just kinda freaked out, but as she came back with another pack with me standing and looking over the spilled pack, it just didn't matter anymore.
I didn't really come from a good family - we had excess, but these excesses were not often. So it became that we began to treasure little things - the flowers that grow along the sides of the drains, or the snails that rested on the walls of the house. Did I mention my old neighbors had chickens running around in the car park? (Younger readers - chickens don't come from the supermarkets)
Perchance I ought to post some old pictures for all to see! I was this fat baby boy then - cute, cuddly, ok ok. Let's just leave it there.
I suppose I did grow up a pesky kid myself - got lost in Toys'R'Us once and this helpful teenager came over to help calm me down from all that crying. He was patient and tried asking if I was lost. I wailed and nodded (remembered quite clearly) and he asked for my name. At that time, honestly, I couldn't remember my name, so I cried some more. I was so loud that mommy came running from the other end of the department store! (later she said she just recognised my one of a kind crying)
:?
Running had been my favourite sport I suppose, so since the youthful days, I ran alot, from spot to spot. Perhaps that explains my height? Coming back, I tripped and fell along the driveway in school once and bruised both my knees. I shed a tear for the pain, but I didn't cry. Somebody alerted the teachers, and the fiercest one came out to see what happened. Blood oozed and trickled to the white socks and shoes, but she helped me into the little medical room, and padded the wounds with iodine and gauze. The pain gradually went away, got home without my mom screaming too. She knew it was an accident.
I used to catch guppies in the huge drains at the back of the schools alot with a couple of friends. It was a guy thing, so only boys could go. Once, a girl asked if she could go, and none of the boys could make it, so I decided to bring her along even though there was a silly taboo about being washed away if girls had gone. Anyway, so when we got there, she just jumped for joy. It was like a little get away she never had, and she was thrilled to observe, and even try catching some. From then on, we had girls on the team. Not just for guppies, even tadpoles.
I stood and watch a blind basker once at some obscure spot in town. I just stood there and listened, cos everyone else either were too busy with their bags and friends, or just needed to dump their spare change. He had an assistant, whom sat by him and thanked everyone who put something into the donation box. I finally went forward and put in my contribution, and the lady smiled, while the basker said thank you.
So. What do you remember?
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When I wrote Heart, I had a premonition of what was to come. And when I recorded the acoustic version last, I knew also that was the last song to be done at Home. It rocked the emotions in Eric and Kevin. I know. Thanks.
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There was this little girl who wrote this:
"dear angel, your lips they taste so sweet
so gentle and tender, there's nowhere else i'd rather be
your heart shines, brightly in the dark
guiding me softly back, softly back, safely back to the start
each and everytime you spend away from me
it's like eternity, eternity to me
so will you promise me that you'll stay with me
so happily, in memory
(you're perfect in every single way
so perfect it makes me scared
makes me scared to lose you from my life
i'm sorry if i ever hurt you deep
but i loved you too much to see that you mean everything to me)"
I was deeply touched by the words. When I asked if she meant it, she broke into tears and smiled.
When was the last time you meant what you said?
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I was in a training match against my own team once, and this senior, twice my size, charged at me like a bull. It was a training rugby match, and almost no-hold-bars.
i stood firm, watched him move towards me, and knowing I'm in his way, intended to stop him. He had the size advantage, we both knew that, and I was lanky. As he charged, I side-stepped half a step, stretched my hands out to his waist, used his momentum and swung him to the sides. He flew like a bird and dropped the prized ball. I helped him up after that, and he flashed me the most encouranging smile.
Even so, I never, ever, made it to the team. Because of my size.
[LINE]
I took a flight up to Hong Kong alone a couple of years back to help my sister move and set up her new home. My flight was pretty short, but when I saw the plane soar above the clouds, my heart sank. I felt like I was in heaven, but I was dead.
Rave, live it.
Les, you aren't the only one to hate dying.
Shin, if you're reading, you've read!
ZK, you already are alive.
Jean, it was not murder.
Arul, love ya!
QX, missing ya in mine!
Inch, what stopped?
Sab, you've just been reborn.
Risse, it's coming.
HH, you are!
Kenny, get started!
Eric, stop wondering.
Kevin, blessed! Share!
Angel, I am glad.
Rina, take a break.
Joyce, you are in it!
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The fan spins silently above while I drink and lament how wonderful life has been. Yet, no one truly understands the making of a broken man and a wicked life. I am glad I knew you, but not for long before time passes and everything ends. This I hope makes you love yourself more, so that in time to come, you can love people as they have, you.
I promise I won't lie. But if you chose not to believe, it will never be yours.
:wink:
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