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PHOTO ALBUMS (Like it or not)

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Tick
04.15.05 (5:05 am)   [edit]
Time seems to so stretch and then compress itself so suddenly. Work piles, and dates crash. I think the most horrid thing to happen now is not to comprehend why I'm losing my grip over my perspective towards things. It's like canoing through the mist in a public pool.

And I ran out of tissue paper.

I'm really tired. Sleepy. Sick of servicing myself. Darn, if there ever is a chance to live right, maybe I can stop fixing my broken body, spirit, and mind.

Ha. I just yawned. Again.

Was asking myself the other day: what's my motivation? What's keeps me going? Why am I still sane? I'm really surprised that despite taking a big leap into the deep end of creating a movement, then starting a business, followed by keeping positive with my mom's health, my family's well-being, my friends' interests, my partners' needs, I can't seem to figure out why I'm still doing it. If this is a passing phase I'll gladly go through it. But I'm feeling it more like a distaste in my work, a breakdown of trust in my life, and critically, escaping from being responsible about myself.

My health is fast deteoriating, and I can feel my head wearing away like wood meet axe. And the axe so happens to be the world I live in. Ouch.

Come to think of it, I just miss my weekends I suppose. I just want one weekend to myself and I should bounce back real quick, focus, and go. And I'm thinking of waking up in 3 hour's time so that I can finish up my myriad of work that isn't even giving me satisfaction. What satisfaction is there when you climb so high up the apple tree, look for the best apples, harvest a couple, and then realise I want mangoes instead. Or some grapes would be even better. It's one of those three-lined things that appear on japanese comics when a character hits a really silly snag.

Trilogy is my worst involvement at this point. Honestly, Trilogy should have been done like 2 years ago cos my head was clear and my heart was pure. But perhaps things happen for a good reason. Well, it better show up soon.

[b]"What ever happened to staying up at 4 o'clock, forget all that's all behind. To think about the time we sit and cried.

But I talk to myself, no words not a sound, there's evil around haunting me. But I talk to myself, my heart's beating loud, and louder louder.

What ever happened to You and I at 4 o'clock? Are we missing a beat in time? To have all my Heart, as we sit and cry."[/b]
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